I have an 18 year old daughter who is a junior in high school - she's been REALLY difficult since about the age of 11 and instead of graduating this spring she repeated 8th grade so she's a year behind but agewise is older than her classmates. She has a 19 year old boyfriend and is pulling the "I'm 18 you can't tell me what to do" This has been going on a while.
She has had two jobs since the summer - each for a very short period. She cannot seem to get along with anyone to hold a job down. She does nothing around the house - NOTHING - I have to stand over her for the few simple chores she has which is ridiculous. She recently asked me if I really expected her to get up at 7 am go to school until 3, work afterschool AND do chores? Told me I was crazy if I expect that. I was flabbergasted - I raised her as a single mother all these years so she SAW how hard I worked. That isn't the example we set in our home. At that point I knew something had to change.
She has a horrible attitude and snotty demeanor even with the simplest of requests, is always late for school and seems entitled to have her boyfriend "sleep over" which we do not allow, so recently she said they were going to sleep in his truck in a parking lot rather than letting him drive home (he lives an hour and half away but works near us so her stance is that it is ridiculous for him to drive all the way home only to have to return a couple hours later when they've gotten in a 3 a.m.) - I was like fine, whatever sleep in a car but he isn't sleeping here. I'm not going to be bullied into letting my daughter shack up with her boyfriend of 3 months in my home. We have told him on a couple occasions (out of sheer frustration) that he can sleep in the spare room and he ends up in her room every time with the door locked - so I feel like we tried to meet them half way and be reasonable but they disrespected our home at every turn. We have given her NO money for months now trying to force her into having to get a job but the boyfriend always swoops in and buys her essentials. To be clear the boyfriend HAS tried to convince her not to leave home right now (she says) and that she should be working - I don't really know him all that well but after 3 months he has her name tattooed in big letters across his back - can you say unstable?
VERY long story short - she pushed me Friday and got all pissy and said I'm moving out and I said get out - she came home from school picked up a few things and left. I told her she had a week to get her stuff and that she needed to schedule a time with me - not to just show up. After she left that day we changed the locks. She texted me today that she'll be getting her things Friday.
It makes me so sad that she has chosen to leave this way but I feel like I have done everything I can to try to teach her to be a responsible adult and just because I gave birth to her doesn't mean I am going to enable her to continue to act this way - my mother thinks I am awful as she "loves her children no matter what" (my other two siblings are 30 & 34 and STILL live at home with her, have never moved out).
I just need to get this off my chest and I guess I'm looking for some words of encouragement from moms who had difficult teens - I love her enough to let her hate me. She is just the kind of kid who I think needs to fail before she can begin to see another view of her behavior.
If she GOT a job I would let her come home with stipulations that she will adhere to our very reasonable house rules - Work, go to school, pick up after yourself - that's it.
Any other gals out there had to give this kind of tough love with an 18 year old?
Suffering in South Florida,
Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:40 PM on Mar. 1, 2011
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