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Bad bad boyfriend.

My 13 year old daughter has a "boyfriend". I use that term loosely for two reasons. 1. she is not allowed to go on unsupervised dates yet and 2. this boy is TERRIBLE. He never talks to her, even in school, they both have unlimited texting but he never texts her or responds when she texts him, and he didn't even say happy valentines day! He treats her like she doesn't exist and it kills me that she stays with him, especially because she has another boy who likes her and is really nice. We met him and like him and she likes him too, but she will not leave this other boy because she refuses to "give up". She is very pretty and smart (straight A's) and she works hard in her gymnastics and cheerleading. She doesn't settle for less in any other aspect of her life, why should she do that here? I never had this problem with my older daughter who never stood for this kind of behavior from boys because she refused to "sell herself short". Should I step in and talk to her about this? What do I say to her so she doesn't think I'm undermining her or feel like I don't think she can handle herself?

Thanks ladies.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:47 PM on Mar. 1, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (10)
  • Well, if he never talks to her or texts her, what's the issue? Doesn't sound like they have much interaction anyway.... She's only 13, eventually she'll get bored and move on. If this was a heavy duty relationship with physical contact and all that, I'd be worried, but it doesn't sound like much of a relationship anyway.
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 2:50 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • I would talk to her. You have an excellent opportunity here to teach her about demanding respect from boys . . . that she is WORTH that. You are her mom, her guide, her best resource.

    Good luck.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 2:50 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • He sounds like a shy 13 yr old boy to me. I wouldn't worry about it and just let it play out.
    MommaKath1975

    Answer by MommaKath1975 at 3:00 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • I would talk to her. She needs to know that a boy should respect her and not just be there when it is convenient for him. It is up to ou to guide her and teach her. If she also likes this other boy and you have met him and like him, invite him over for family dinner or family movie and maybe she will see what a great guy he is and what a great boyfriend he would be.

    Then again she is only 13. Why does she have to have a boyfriend?
    mlanderson

    Answer by mlanderson at 3:01 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Girls mature faster than most boys in the aspect of wanting relationships and stuff. Seriously most 18 year old guys don't even want serious relationships, if he is 13 too he probably isn't even thinking that much about it. Whenever you are that young you label each other as gf or bf because you think each other is cute and so on. I remember my little brother when he was 13 and he was way more worried about his friends and video games and sports than girls. Occasionally he would come home and say he had a gf but I don't even remember him talking to them on the phone or anything. Remember most guys are simple minded lol. I don't know what you could tell your daughter other than enjoy being a teenager and don't worry about guys, she will have enough of that wo worry about later on lol.
    kayaiden8907

    Answer by kayaiden8907 at 3:01 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • She is only 13 if they arent allowed to be alone together or go on dates its not that much of a relationship anyway. He is only 13 as well I am assuming he dosent have a clue how to interact with girls yet. Maybe he has a busy fufilled life and dosent feel the need to text as much as she does. I wouldnt worry much about it life is one big learning experience and she still has alot of time with your guidance to know who is right for her and who isnt.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 3:02 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • If they don't talk or text and never are out alone what kind of relationship could they be having. I would let it fizzle without saying anything unless asked.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 3:04 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • I would talk to her about how she needs to let her interest in guys interfere with her enjoying her years of high school and college while she prepares herself for her adult life. She is still a child, so of course you should talk to her. Not just about this boy, but about all boys. Tell her dating a boy is for the sole purpose of selecting a mate for life in marriage. Since she is nowhere close to being ready for that step in her life, she is also not ready to be dating or more correctly, courting. You can also tell her that key to a happy marriage is learning how to become a whole person independent of any guy. When she is a whole person on her own, then she will be ready to consider finding some guy who has also become whole in his singleness. Tell her that's what makes for lasting, meaningful, and fulfilling marriages. Tell her she will then know how she wants to be treated and will not accept anything less.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:23 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Make sure you and your SO do things with her to keep connected. Don't ask if she would like to do something, tell her. Make it fun and something you both will enjoy. Keep her as busy as you can. The more you talk about the boy the more she will want to be "with" him. At 13 she needs lots of guidance and fair rules that you don't let her abuse.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 3:50 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Thanks guys. And just to further clarify, her so called boyfriend has time to talk to and text other girls in their class, otherwise I wouldn't be so suspicious or dislike him the way I do. I would figure he was just shy or awkward but if he has time for these other girls he's a player. >:( And we're not breathing down her neck when she goes on dates. If they go to a movie, we're at least five rows away and if they go to the mall, we get some shopping done too in another section. We're basically just there to make sure nothing happens that she's not prepared for or in case there's an emergency and EITHER of them need us.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:27 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

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