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I just got married for the second time and IM starting to feel like he is controlling like my first husband , what should I do

dealing with control issues in a realtionship


Asked by NatesNona at 7:06 PM on Nov. 20, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • Give it some time. You've been use to not "answering" to anyone or having to explain yourself etc.. So maybe you just need some time to adjust and what you think is controlling may not actually be what he's doing? Just talk to him. .. And talk some more, and talk talk talk. Let him know how you feel. You obviously love him, you married him. And, try as hard as you can maybe to not compare him to your ex because he isn't him. He's your new hubby who you love and who loves you :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:19 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Do you think you may be micro analyzing his every move? Since you have already been through one failed marriage due to control issues you might be taking a mole hill and making it into a mountain. Otherwise, communication is key. Talk until his ears fall off about how you feel. If that doesn't work then counseling, for yourself mainly to figure out why you continue to get into relationships with men who are controlling.


    Answer by Anonymous at 7:09 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • no he is controlling I think thats what I attract, unfortunately . He even puts my clothes and stuff away because he is a clean freak, but its my stuff . I dont touch his stuff

    Answer by NatesNona at 7:12 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • how long did you date before you married him - just curious....I am on my 3rd (LTR this time - no marriage for me) and the 2 exDH's were VERY controlling.My SO is controlling, but I have learned to stop being passive with him. He tells me what to do - I simply tell him to go to HELL!

    Answer by Babylove76 at 7:18 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • My SO is a clean freak, a control freak, he has panic attacks. Basically I had the same problem when we first got together. I just learned to chill out, and talk him out of his control issues. Well sometimes I can. Did you know he was like this when you married him??

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:26 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • my foster sister has a tendancy to fall for controlling men. They are great in the begiing, but then once she is in to the point that its difficult to get out, the big control issues start to show up. This is a pattern for her, also it was a pattern for her mother and her sisters (all 3 of them). I think what you NEED to do is go get counceling. You need to identify that this could be a cycle, and how you need to break it. I'm not saying that you have to leave him. I've met woman who had controlling husbands and withcounceling these woman have learned to be more confidant and stand up for themselvs. Some of those relationships the husband back down and saw what they were doing, some of them left. But it is clear that YOU do need to figure out the heart of this issue. If you feel that you are in any physical danger, then leave and get help.

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 7:39 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • I dated him for 1i/2 years , but Im no wimp Im very assertive so I speak up , however i just dont like when men try to control all the money end of a marriage

    Answer by NatesNona at 7:54 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • I would start giving him a taste of his own medicine....but that's just me.

    Answer by Babylove76 at 8:14 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • If someone tries to control me I usually do the opposite of what they want just to piss them off! lol
    That's very mature of me, I know! LMAO

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:29 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • well I think most men have passive aggresive traits , and thats how they handle many things

    Answer by NatesNona at 8:34 PM on Nov. 20, 2008