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2 Bumps

Step-parent adoption... New child. *Help, very sensitive subject*

Some of you all might know my story, some do not. That is why I am /anon with this.

My ex and I split when I was 30 weeks pregnant with our daughter. He has never played an active role in her life. He's only seen her one time since her first two weeks of life and we live about 40 minutes away from each other. No phone calls, emails, nothing.

Ex and I both re-married shortly after our divorce was final.

Ex contacted me shortly before Christmas, informed me that his wife was 7 months pregnant, and that he wanted to relinquish rights to our child and do a step-parent adoption with my husband. Of course we were thrilled, but I have to admit I was left wondering about this new baby.

The new baby was born within the last few days. We still haven't filed all of the paperwork for the adoption, so therefore we still have to talk to my ex a couple of times. At the moment we are busy gathering documents and finishing the last load of papers. However the consents are signed so there is really no chance in him changing his mind.

Do you think it would be wrong for me to ask the name and birth date of this new baby? I don't even know if it's a boy or a girl. I ONLY want the information to give to my child some day so that there is some sort of info on the sibling. But I am not sure if I should ask, or if I am wanting for "too much". And I have a feeling if I don't do it now, then I might not ever get the chance.


Asked by Anonymous at 3:32 PM on Mar. 1, 2011 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (26)
  • I would just get the paperwork finished. When you are talking to him you can slip in a question if he is being friendly. Like "how are things going with your new little....I'm sorry did you say you had a boy or girl?" and see if he answers.

    Answer by ria7 at 3:41 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • I'd go ahead and ask if he wants them to be able to have contact in the future. I have a feeling the answer will be no. Don't make a big deal of it; just treat it as another piece of the business you have to complete with him.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:37 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • i think you should

    Answer by Mrs.Prine at 3:38 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • I don't think its wrong.

    Answer by erinwhitt at 3:40 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Are you in the least bit even a little bit friendly with him? If so I would congratulate him with something small for the baby, like maybe a small baby's bible, or flowers for the new mom, but explain that you would have gotten something a little more personal, except you don't know the details.

    If not, then I would just ask him for your daughter's sake, she may want to know at some point in her life and you should be able to avail that information to her.

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 3:40 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • What about asking his new wife? I don't know the kind of relationship you have with her but maybe you could appeal to her by saying her child would have a sibling?

    Answer by erinwhitt at 3:43 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • I would just come out and ask.

    Answer by HomeAlone45 at 3:52 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • I am definitely expecting a "no" from him, but I'd still like to try at least.

    He did tell me that he wants it to be a completely closed adoption and that he wants zero contact with her, but he did say that if she ever wants to contact him in the future that he would be totally fine with that, so that gives me a little boost of hope that maybe he would share the information with us.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:38 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Mama - No, we never talk. In fact I could say he's pretty much on my shit list, and he feels the same for me. After all of the stunts he has pulled and everything, there is nothing but tension between us.


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:42 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Ria - I like that. =) Catch him off guard a little. Thanks

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:43 PM on Mar. 1, 2011