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Why do birthmoms think they have the right?

Why do birthmothers think they have the right to demand certain things from the adoptive parents? Didn't they sign there rights away? Doesn't that mean they chose not to be in that child'd life anymore? It seems like more and more birthmoms want to be able to live there life without the responsibility of raising there child, but still want to be in that child's life whenver they choose to be. I don't think it works that way. I don't understand why open adoptions have become so popular lately. It's looks to me like it seems to cause more chaos for the adoptive family than it's worth.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:47 PM on Nov. 20, 2008 in Adoption

Answers (120)
  • I think it was directed towards the best interest of the child. It may not always work out that way but originally that was the idea. I think there are many open adoptions that work out great, but you will always have the few moms who try and take advantage of the system. Normally, with open adoptions there is an agreement signed stating exactly what they birth mom can and can't do. Everyone has to agree to it.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:50 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • You are right. But an open adoption means, just that, that the mom has rights. Maybe try to have some limits and rules set through a mediator or lawyer so that you can express that there must be a line drawn somewhere, maybe they can help u find out what to do. Or maybe next time don't do an open adoption.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • I know of three different open adoptions, and they are all working out great! The birthmothers all made the decsion that they couldn't give the thier child the life they deserved but that doesn't mean they don't love them anymore. I think it is very responsable for a birth mother to want an open adoption that way she knows that her child is being well taken care of. It also shows the child when they get older that they were given up not beacuse they weren't loved but that they were loved so much that their mom wanted to give them a better life then she could provide.
    bugandsmiles

    Answer by bugandsmiles at 7:56 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • I posted something similar in the other thread ! I'm the angry adoptive parent in the other thread about the biomom and all of the emails...

    Idk what to do...I'm trying to be patient..I know its hard to have to deal with giving your baby up, but it was her decision....my husband and I shouldnt have to answer to her every beck and call. We do have a family and a life.



    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:57 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • You're wrong here in my personal opinion. I think it's great that open adoptions have become so popular. Now when the child grows up, they don't have to search all over the country to have all of those "why" questions answered. If the adoptive parents aren't comfortable with that, then they can wait for a closed adoption to come around. Not all mothers who give their children up for adoption do so to run around and live it up without responsibility...Some do it out of selflessness for their children to have lives better than their own. Those women should have the joy of the occasional picture and information about the child they love but couldn't provide for.
    Kimebs

    Answer by Kimebs at 7:57 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • i got 4 emails from her today alone. (and I answer them only so she doesn't try to claim we are closing the adoption!)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:58 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • seeing your baby every now and then and emails, thats fine. But I feel like she is abusing this whole open adoption.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:00 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • All the open adoptions I know of there are set guideline. The birthmoms cannot contact the child directly without asking the adoptive parents. They only get a certain amount of time with the child a month. But they do have rights as to the fact that the adoptive parents have to stay in touch with the bm. It's kinda like divorced parents where one parent has had partial rights taken away.
    bugandsmiles

    Answer by bugandsmiles at 8:00 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Does she get offended when you don't answer every e-mail?
    bugandsmiles

    Answer by bugandsmiles at 8:02 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • their rights were terminated which = no more.

    And if we don't answer emails, she acts like she hasn't heard from us in a yr or so and plays "freaked out" and calls when she knows good and well if there were EVER an emergency about her baby, we'd definately let her know and that the baby is fine. She just wants us to always drop everything.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:09 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

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