Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

7 Bumps

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ESTRANGED BY YOUR ADULT CHILD?

come homeMY DEAR FRIEND IS EXPERIENCING THE BIGGEST HEART ACHE OF HIS LIFE.   IT ACHES MORE THAN LABOR PAINS.    HIS ADULT SON HAS FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS XCOMMUNICATED HIS DAD FROM HIS LIFE.  THIS DAD AND SON WERE STUCK LIKE GLUE.   DAD LEFT HIS MOTHER, SHE BEING BI-POLAR AFTER 30 PLUS YEARS.   SON MET AND FELL IN LOVE WITH A GAL FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY.  DAD THOUGHT IT WAS TOO QUICK...SLOW THINGS DOWN.  HONEY DIDN'T CARE FOR HIS DAD AFTER THAT...IT'S BEEN DOWN HILL SINCE.    FATHER HAS TRIED TO MAKE AMMENDS, CALLS, LETTERS,  OF LOVE AND APOLOGIES...ALL WITH NO RESPONSE, FROM EITHER SON OR WIFE.  FATHER WENT TO THEIR PLACE OF BUSINESS, TO MAKE PLEA AND AMMENDS, WIFE HAD SON CALL THE POLICE TO HAVE HIS FATHER ESCORTED OFF THE BUILDING.    OMG....HOW LONG???   WHAT DOES IT TAKE FOR SOME KIDS TO GROW UP???   OR NOT???    HAVE YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS EXPERIENCING SUCH?   HAPPY ENDING???  OR SAD ENDING???  AND FOR WHO???  PARENT OR ADULT CHILD....OR BOTH????    PLEASE COMMENT AND BUMP UP SO MORE MOM'S CAN SEE???   THANKS, csjoy1

Answer Question
 
csjoy1

Asked by csjoy1 at 7:34 PM on Mar. 1, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 10 (450 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • Are you sure there is not more to this story? Calling the cops is a bit extreme for just not liking someone....
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:39 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • I agree with samurai, there has to be more to this story an adult child just doesn't stop liking their parents like this........
    older

    Answer by older at 7:41 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • My oldest son disappeared form our lives twice. Once for 13 months, once for 19 months. Why? Because we refused to let him come back home on drugs. We offered to get him into treatment but never went. He spent 8 years couch surfing across the country with 'friends" Tough love is hard on both sides. Last April we got a call from a rehab couselor asking if there was any way he could return home if they verified he is clean. We said yes. He is now attending a vocational training program and graduates in July. His drug tests that we require have all been clean. That is my experience as a parent. And yes, it is horrible not knowing where your son is or if he is dead or alive. It's even harder to have to refuse to let them come home because they choose a drug over family.
    As a child, I haven't spoken to my own father in 11 years. I do not take calls, his letters returned unopened. Why? He is a child molesting, abusive drunk.

    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 7:45 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Oooh.. sounds dramatic. But every family has drama. I know for sure mine have! Hmm.. He can't force his son. The best thing, I can think for him to do is to stop trying to be forgiven. His son will have to figure this out for himself. There sounds like its more to this story. My parents didn't agree with my fiance at first, but I still talked to them (now they love him, though). He will have to wait this out, for as long as it goes on.
    Rae1990

    Answer by Rae1990 at 7:45 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • cont'd He got clean for about 10 yrs and we built a relationship of sorts. When my only brother died unexpectedly he fell off the wagon and then attempted to pit my sister and I against one another. We both cut him off. You only get so many chances to hurt me in one lifetime before I'm done, for good.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 7:46 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • OP...in the case you state...sounds like Dad acted badly..and the DIL is now running the show. All he can do is back off and hope his son will come around. The more he pushes the harder they will push away.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 7:49 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Life is to short to hold resentments for an obviously caring father and some things need to change the father made is voice known. Now it's time for the son to forgive and step up and say Dad I don't always agree with you on somethings but, I love and care about you. Pray.
    guesswho123

    Answer by guesswho123 at 4:21 AM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • There is most likely more to the story that this father is not telling you. It is common for people who have done wrong by their kids to tell their friends and family the version of the story that gets them a pat on the back and a pity party.
    iamnotarobot

    Answer by iamnotarobot at 10:49 AM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Wow
    newmom4192011

    Answer by newmom4192011 at 4:36 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • My father and brother had a falling out years ago, truly over something small and in the over all scope of life non-important. I tried for years to get them both to understand the importance of reconnecting but neither of them would bend. When dad became terminally ill I begged my brother to come for a short visit "please dad wants to see you one more time he wants to talke to his first born son", my brother's answer...."NO, dad died for me years ago". Heartbreak pure heartbreak. I do think that now that my brother is experiencing the same thing with his son..he sincerely regrets his decision.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 10:20 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.