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Why does my husband shut down when his mother says something rude to me?

Basically, my husband and I have been married for about 2 years and dated for 4 before getting married. He has two sisters that are around my age. For years, I would try to rationalize everything that his mother would say to me and tell myself that I was being too sensitive. For example, she would try to give me clothing that is 3 and 4 sizes to large for me as a gift or would make comments that she bought some clothes for her daughter that was too large for her and that she would give them to me but she knew they would be too small for me. Once her youngest daughter became pregnant her comments seemed to ecalate and became meaner. I tried to spend a little more time with her and things seemed to be getting better until recently. I think the most frustrating part of everything is that I will mention to my husband what she has said to me and I get little to no response. If anything, he will only say that she is crazy. If I were to say that anyone else said anything like this he would be quick to say something about how that person has no room to talk or that it is not true. However, when it comes to his mother, he is incapable of taking up for me to me. I don't want or expect him to say anything to his mother because I don't want to give her the satisfaction of thinking that something she said has affected me. But I would like for him to tell me that it's not true. Why is it so hard for him to take up for me in private? If my parents or brother said something that was rude to him, I would be the first person to tell him that is not the truth. Maybe he agrees with her.

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:46 PM on Mar. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Men can be very non confrontational when it comes to "woman drama" My husband does the same thing.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 8:48 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Yea. I know what you mean, but he doesn't shy away from it anywhere else (friends or other family). But it seems like his mother can say anything to me and he will never have my back. I guess I could be okay with it if he ignored it from every angle.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:54 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Its a man thing

    Answer by jenn4443 at 8:55 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Sorry, but men don't always confront their mothers....especially ONLY sons....look at it this way - most of the time, their mother is the 1st woman they have loved and they don't want to cross her.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:57 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • That's a tough one. They are raised by their mothers (most of us are) & we are taught to respect our parents - esp. the one who nurtured us thru all the illnesses & boo-boos. The woman who stood by us & cheered us on & who was there for us when we messed up or had our hearts broken. So to make him virtually choose b/w the 2 of you is an impossible choice. He feels he's already "chosen" you & is building a life w/ you. He doesnt know how many years he has left w/ his mom, so why ruin those w/ a fued? I hope she backs off & appreciates what her own son sees in you! GL

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 9:00 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Maybe he has a lifetime of rude comments from her. Verbal abuse like that can tear you up and shut you down. Maybe he feels frustrated that even as an adult he feels helpless to stop it.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 9:07 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • I'm sorry you have a mil like that. If my future mil was like that, I wouldn't have married the man. She is not though. And neither is the man.

    Answer by Autumn07 at 9:10 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • grneyedgrandma you are probably the closest to right. My husband moved out of his mother's house when he was really young and he really doesn't talk to her too often or answer her phone calls. When we do have to be around her though, she never says anything rude about him. Ever. She thinks he is perfect which is a good thing since he is her son. However, she is super critical of me.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:50 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Maybe he is afraid of his mom? and he is afraid to rock the boat with her. it doesn't mean that he loves you any less. It's just that his fear of her is greater.

    Answer by stitchintime at 5:44 AM on Mar. 2, 2011

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