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How can I help my 12yr old fit in?

My daughter is on an I.E.P. she was diagnosed with ADHD. I sometimes feel like we are missing something in the dianoses.
Anyway,she struggles with friendships as well as dealing with everyday kids.Comments are always made.She comes home upset.
It started when I allowed a boy to come over and hang out,They were always in my vision. She video taped him doing something silly. The next day she went to school and told kids she had a "boyfriend".I know why she did.To feel excepted.But the terrible part was she showed a friend the video and someone over heard(it's a boy that does not like my daughter) Then within days there were rumors.Ex: she was pregnant,she made a sex video,she was raped. These things were horrible.I went right to the principal.Who said it was taken care of.Well rumors are still flying around and the few friends she had aren't allowed to play with her. Please understand though she is 12 I believe internally I believ she is about 8or9. She doesn't like sports for fear of being picked on.She has anxiety about many things now.Yes, she is in therapy.With little progress.I just want my child to be happy.It shouldn't be a daily struggle.She comes home almost every day with some type of rude comment made by the boy that started it all.She also has a hard time standing up for herself,she doesn't know how to answer back from an insult.Any ideas??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:23 PM on Mar. 1, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (4)
  • I am sorry to hear that you dd is going through a very difficult time at school. School should be, for the most part, a place where your dd can learn in a safe environment. Unfortunately, kids in junior high and even in high school can and are cruel to those that don't stick up for themselves. Does the school, where your dd attends, have any counselors? If so, I would try to talk to one. Maybe the counselor would have some suggestions on how you, your dd, and your school can deal with what she is experiencing that would have a positive impact for everyone involved. Good luck.
    dustbunny

    Answer by dustbunny at 9:32 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • 1) your daughter is being bullied by this one boy. Go to the office and tell them to either deal with it or you will file a lawsuit. I was bullied from 5th grade all the way through my senior year in high school. It's NOT FUN. What kids do to each other is MORE than just bullying. If an adult were to do the same things to another adult that a bully does to his/her victims is tantamount to TORTURE.

    As for the social side of things have you considered activities through your local YMCA? The whole idea behind Y programs (I used to work for the Y) is to build "strong kids, Strong families and strong communities". They can be a lot more touchy-feely/compassionate than clubs. The focus is more on building self esteem and team building instead of competition and winning.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 9:33 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Sign her up for Tae Kwan Do classes. I kid you not....Tell her that it is part of school, and that she does not have to like it, she just has to do her best in the class....Also tell her that you won't make her do tournaments if she doesn't want to so she feels like she has SOME control.....Here's why: If she is ADHD, it will help her with that...and she will develop a strong body and will be succeeding in something...It will build confidence. She will build enough confidence that she will start to stand up for herself...Also, if it is a good class, they teach them respect for each other, how to support each other, and do not tolerate any of the behavior you described, so she will feel valued, too. And learn to value and respect herself as well as how to get along with others....I did this for my kid, and it was the best decision I ever made....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:39 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Wow, so sorry to hear this. I agree with the above ladies and would add that helping her to learn to stand up for herself is a vital skill that must be mastered. Even if it's a one line, blanket statement she can blurt out. I too agree with some activity. Maybe something artsy or a sport that's not so competitive (gymnastics, tennis, golf)? Wishing you the best of luck.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 9:40 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

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