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Will they hate me?

My husband and i have been together for almost 5 yrs and have been married for almost 2 of those years. Our relationship is not good at all. We have so many issues and things just don't change or get better. We have tried counseling a few times and that hasn't helped. We moved to another state 6 months ago cause he got offered another job. We both though maybe us getting away from everything and everyone would help. It didn't. Every time we fight/argue we always go back to the same thing. I'm tired of this and i don't like that my children are watching this as they grow up. I know its not good for them.

 On Friday i will be returning home. I have had enough. I want us all to be happy and for some reason we can do that together. My main concern is my children who are 4 and 2. Will they hate me later in life? Will they blame me for taking them away from there father? For those of you have gone through this and moved to another state leaving your husband behind, how did it affect your children? I don't wanna keep him away from them or them from him. We agreed that he can see them whenever he comes to visit or if he wants them to visit him i have no problem with that. All I'm worried about are my children and how this will affect them?

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Christieluv0614

Asked by Christieluv0614 at 9:28 PM on Mar. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,524 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Your children will appreciate that you are doing what you feel is best for them. By allowing them time with daddy when he wants, you are not restricting them from seeing him.

    word of advise, while you are agreeing now, make sure that you get it in writing. It only takes one thing to happen and then you will no longer be getting along. By getting this out of the way, you are doing the kids a favor by not putting them in the middle of a horrible custody battle.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:31 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • It will have a huge effect. They should not hate you. Be sure that they are assured that you both love them very much and it is not their fault.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:31 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Your children learn about happiness from you! They will accept in life whatever examples they are given by their parents. I stayed in a bad relationship for too long thinking it was for the best! It turns out kids just want to feel happy. And if mommy is happy, then kids are happy. They feel secure. They won't have to live with memories of their parents fighting all the time! It will be hard at first but it will get easier. Good Luck!
    Cindylou6

    Answer by Cindylou6 at 9:32 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • If you explain to them when they get older and ask or if they ask now, that mommy and daddy were fighting a lot and you felt it wasn't fair for them to have to see you fight, I doubt they will hate you. They may say it on occasion but they don't mean it. As long as they are allowed to see their father, it shouldn't bother them too much, but be prepared if they want to spend the summer with daddy or if they start asking for daddy when you take something away or discipline them. They will probably do the same when they're with him. It's going to be hard and you may want to take them to counseling just to be sure they understand and are okay with it, but it would be worse for you to stay together and argue in front of them all the time. You're doing the right thing mama. GL :)
    MamaStuart

    Answer by MamaStuart at 9:38 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • Your kids want to see a happy mom. If you are always fighting with your husband they will grow up to feel guilty and insecure. I rather get a divorce. You will be better off you will be happy. Please don't get into any relationship anytime soon.Allow youserlf a lil break so that you and your kids get used to your new life. I know it might be hard. Just wait a couple of years before you start another relatioship.
    amparoortega

    Answer by amparoortega at 10:02 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • There is no magic formula or crystal ball that you can look into to see the future. Wouldn't that make things easier for all of us. You have to do some soul searching and think about things in a worst-case scenario situation, not just how great things may be when you're back to where you're going. When I was thinking about leaving, I kept imaging my life and how nice it would be to be on my own, I'd take care of my kids and we'd be all good, and then when I went for therapy, the counselor took me out of my "grass is greener" mentality. Sure, it could be great, the kids might be harmonious and life good, but your kids may resent you later. You just don't know. But a happy mom is important for the kids. And if you can't be happy where you're at no matter what, then you need to find that place where you are, and do the best you can by your kids, love them, love them and love them some more, and that's what's important.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 10:09 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • my parents divorced when i was in middle school. i did not deal well with it but it was not my choice. i think since they are young it wont be too terrible but if you do divorce and get remarried dont push the stepdad on them. that is the only thing that has made me mad. but good luck and i think your kids will understand that all in all you did it for them. because an environment like that is not healthy for them
    newlife627

    Answer by newlife627 at 10:21 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

  • my ex and i divorced when my son was 6....my ex is the one who moved to another state....it was hard on him at first, but he is very happy now. he actually says he wished my SO was his real dad. i dont think divorce is ever easy on anyone, but as long as children have a happy and loving home they seem to make it all right. being around all that fighting is not good for the children, dont ever stay in a miserable relationship just for your kids because that will damage them much more than divorce.
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 12:28 AM on Mar. 2, 2011

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