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How should I handle this?

There is a fund raiser dodgeball activity that is Friday night after school. My 12 yo had her grades go down and the restriction was she couldn't go if that would happen. I will just make her pay it back out of HER money instead? What would be the best lesson learned for the $5 of it ($8.50 total) was going for a t-shirt that her friend was buying for the team (not for the fund-raiser). She will be letting her team down but I think she needs to get another player to take her place. How do I handle it??

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:50 AM on Mar. 2, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (10)
  • I'd just say, Sorry, you knew what the conditions of going to this even were and you didn't meet them. You are going to spend Friday night home studying instead of at the game. Also, since you aren't going and I paid money for you to be there, that money is coming out of your allowance (or you're going to pay me back/work it off.)

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 AM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • Come on!!! It is a fund raiser!!!! Ground her another time!!!!

    Answer by dancer at 11:53 AM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • HI I do things a little diffrent at my house if my kids are grounded they are grounded from everything but school or church functions. If she couldnt find another player I would let her go but say its because she already made the commitment, whatever you decide it will be okay atleast you are making her have consequences.

    Answer by okmommy08 at 11:53 AM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I am sure she tried hard to bring her grades up. Parents don't know how much pressure that puts on a kid. Let her go.

    Answer by dancer at 11:55 AM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I donr ground for fund raisers. That really isnt for their benefit as much as it is for the fundraiser and leaving them without a team member on short notice seems wrong to me. As a parent if I knew another parent did this to say my kids "team" I would be leery to participate in anything with them again. I would however ground her from lets say the next two things she asks for.

    Answer by gemgem at 11:57 AM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • Sports and activities have taken over our parenting, I am as guilty as anyone of being more lenient because of extracurricular activities and my kids being "needed" by the group or team. NOT this ball season! the boys wont be going to a practice or a game unless grades are up and room in clean, if they lose starting positions or get kicked off the team for missing practices and games then sorry for the choices THEY made, and HECK yeah they are paying me back the registration fees!

    Answer by pammomof9 at 12:03 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I agree with Pam. You need to stick with your word. It is a harsh lesson for her, but she will react most strongly to the idea of letting her team down.

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:45 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • If these are the school's rules, you don't have room for negotiation. If you made this rule - stick to your guns. She messed up and now has to pay the price. Have her find a replacement and pay for things.

    Answer by JSD24 at 12:46 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • You'll have to decide which lesson you want to teach her. One would be that sports are a privilege and when you don't live up to your responsibilities, there are lots of people that you let down. The other is that mom will back out of what she says if I make a good enough case for it, and as long as their are any extenuating circumstances I shouldn't be held accountable.


    Answer by Dr.Donna at 12:49 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • you set boundaries and they weren't met don't back down fundraiser or not she didn't do what was expected

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 11:18 AM on May. 16, 2011

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