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If you have had an affair I need your opinion......

I am trying so hard to understand this and I need some help.
A very close friend of mine who I love dearly has left her husband. She is turning into this person that I don't even know (I've been very close to her for almost 10 years). I am absolutely shocked by her behavior and her choices. She is having an affair. She told her husband she does not love him and wants a divorce and has moved out.

My question is this.......
Has anyone felt they no longer loved their husband and left for another man but then realized their mistakes and went back? Just a few months ago she was telling me how wonderful her husband was. This just makes no sense. I am hoping she is blinded by this affair and will soon realize what she is doing. Did you become another person when you had an affair? Was your thinking rational? How do I help her see what she's doing?

Please feel free to reply annon if you like. I really want honest opinions.

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on Mar. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Sorry, I can't say I have any experience in the subject, have never done that, but I believe that some people do not realize what they have until they loose it.

    Answer by older at 12:03 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • My husband's ex wife of 25 years had an affair with her kid's high school science teacher. My husband didn't realize it - just thought they were really close friends (she was also friends with that man's wife). I think they all thought she was crazy because my husband was such a kind and good hearted husband. I had heard from her friend that just before she ended it, she considered working harder to stay with my husband. But one little thing ticked her off at him and that was the straw that broke the camels back and she moved out within the month. She never once looked back and now 6 years later is still happily living with her boyfriend.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 12:07 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • Yes I had an affair but both men couldn't raise a hand at me. They both grew up in abusive homes when they were younger and didn't believe doing that to their family. I went back to my husband because I knew there was a chance me and the person I was having an affair with wouldn't work out. I'm not really of a risk taker so I didn't want to risk a new relationship. But boy when I came to the realization I wanted to be with my husband I knew there was a lot of work to rebuild our marriage because he found out about the fair so I in turn confessed everything. I hope she will come to her senses and go back to her husband.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • The way I see it, is you don't love the person any more.

    I am living separate from my man 7 months now. I still love him dearly and won't give another man a chance or the time of day....
    We are working on our relationship, if we didn't love one another, we would have already been with someone else. He said he never went anywhere and I believe him whether other people do or don't does not matter. OUr faith to one another was never an issue.

    Us having diffrent parenting skills have been a huge issue.

    Answer by KFree907 at 12:16 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • You might need to consider that her marriage has been a sham, that her saying it was good was a lie. Some of the most abusive relationships look great on the outside because both partners are committed to keep the appearances up. It can be too painful to face the facts that it's that bad when all you wanted was better. So a walk a way spouse using an affair to leave is very common.

    And it's equally possible that you are right and that she is blinded by hormones.

    But divorce needs to be for reasons within the marriage, not just the greener grass syndrome. If you want to help her, ask her why. Ask her what made her marriage so bad she needed to leave. Frankly if she doesn't know what the problems are, she's going to repeat them with a new person.

    And yes, I did change. I became more of myself. Because my marriage really is too bad to stay in. And yes, hormones will cause you to do strange things. :) But I was happy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • We don't know what goes on in homes behind closed doors. My sister left her amazing husband after 20 yrs. The entire family was shocked. He was devastated. Even worse we found out Miss Perfect had someone waiting for her when she moved out. She never regretted her decision and is now married to the other man. Sometimes things just don't work out the way we think they should for other people. She has to figure it all out on her own.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:25 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I had a friend do the exact same thing, same situation, except right before she left she painted him to be an abusive a-hole and he really wasn't! She then broke up her family, moved across the country to be with new guy. Found out a few months later he sucked in every way, realized her ex was pretty dang amazing and wanted him back. Then he wanted nothing to do with it cuz obviously he was so hurt. Then she went and found another ex and is now cheating on 2nd guy with this new 3rd one. She changed so much! Lost custody of her kids. They were moleste db/c she left them with bad people, she's just so lost. She used to believe in God untill guy #2, now she doesn't. It's all SO sad to me and so selfish. Ya I'd like a little more excitement sometimes but grow I could never do that to my family!

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 1:44 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

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