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A complicated question. Please be nice.

I just had a baby in July 2008 (I have another child too) and during the c-section the doctor told me my uterus was very thin. He was concerned that I was 39 weeks and 3 cm at the time and it was already that thin. He thinks that if I would have gone into labor it would have ruptured. He advised me not to have any more children and gave me a 50% chance that it will rupture. If that did happen me and child would both die. DH is going in to have the big V in January and until then we are using condoms. We do avoid sex during ovulation. Well tonight my DH and I had a discussion about what would happen if I ended up pregnant. I said I would be scared and would consider an abortion. DH told me he would divorce me if I did that. He said I would have to take my chances and hope for the best. That hurt my feelings because it feels like he doesnt care what happens to me. How should I feel about this?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:31 PM on Nov. 20, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • Doc's can be right yes, But don't take everything that they say to heart with out getting other docs opinions. Don't let what 1 doc says scare you to that point. And if you don't want more kids then use some sort of birth control :o)
    bizima4

    Answer by bizima4 at 9:37 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • i would be hurt to. just be careful you only have 2 months to go get on the shot or pill if your scared youll get pregnant
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:40 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • I would not think that he does not care about you, but just has a clear view of how he feels about abortion. I am pro life but put me in you situation I am not sure what i would do. I hope that you two take as much precaution that it takes not to get preggars again. The only question I have is why with given that information didnt you get fixed when you had you c sec. Or at least very soon afterward.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:41 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • I would tell your husband that hurt your feelings. That isnt very understanding of him at all...but sometimes, I dont knwo what your husband is like, men can be dicks.

    Just explain that it upset you and ask him why he feels that way. Obviously if you had not had this scare having another child would be an option you would love to take on if it occurred but the fact you did he should be a little more understanding.

    I agree you shouldnt listen to one doctors opinion, but even so...you DH should at least be understanding to the way you feel about the situation.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 9:41 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Yes, get another opinion. And if that opinion, and a third, are the same then yes be very very careful. What he said seems very cold. I was trying to find a way to reply to you and to give his comments a positive spin, but I can't think of anything. Of course he should want you to survive. You should discuss this matter with him during a quiet and peaceful time and ask him exactly what he means and what it seems like to you.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:43 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Well, since you are not pregnant now you have a choice. Use protection and the pill or another form of BC. As for the emotional side, I don't know. It seems harsh, but I probably would have thought the same, take our chances. But that is easy for me to say not being in your shoes.
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 9:47 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • If my husband told me what yours told you, I would have mixed feelings. Consider birth control until you husband's doctor can confirm that your husband is shooting blanks. My sister's brother-in-law had a vasectomy and that it was safe for him and his wife to fool around. To make a long story short, they almost got a divorce because he thought that she was having an affair. His doctor snipped the wrong thing and he had to go to an urologist to get fixed for good. This is your life and marriage we are talking about. As bizma4 suggested, perhaps, you should get a second opinion. Keep the lines of communication open with your husband. Does he consider abortion murder? Could it be some other reason?
    dustbunny

    Answer by dustbunny at 9:52 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • WELL IF YOU FEEL THIS STRONG ABOUT IT THAN DON'T HAVE  SEX THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO STOP IT ! YOU ARE SELFISH NOT CARE ABOUT HIS FEELINGS  TO  THAT IS HIS CHILD JUST AS MUCH AS YOURS   WHY DON'T YOU GO GET YOUR TUBES TIED ! DID YOU ONLY HAVE ONE DOCTOR TELL YOU THIS ? HOW COULD A WOMAN LOOK AT YOUR OTHER CHILDREN AND KNOW THAT  THEY KILLED ONE OF THERE BROTHERS OR THERE SISTER THAT IS SO WRONG !

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:30 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • oh shut up anonymous. this is a toughie. maybe you should get a hysterectomy or tubes tied as well as your husband getting the "big" v. i wouldn't take any chances. good luck.
    Queentdi

    Answer by Queentdi at 10:36 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • he feels strongly about it and i respect him but not the way he told you but he is making it clear how you feel. obviously your not on birth control for a reason other then the condom that is not good enough. just hold out sex until then. condoms break but your guys hearts would break more if you got pregnant. i would go get a second opinion.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 10:45 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

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