Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Am I being fair? Or unfair?

My son is 18, almost 19 and never got his license because hes never had a job & didnt go to college which is our rule for financial help (getting a car, insurance etc). He absolutely refuses to work and has only worked 3 days in his life. He ended up moving out for not being able to abide our house rules. He wasnt in school or working. He would stay up all night, have people over I did not approve of, and just wanted to party. I have other kids at home and gave him a choice to stop and get a job or go live somewhere else. He chose to live with his sister (22 with 2 kids of her own).

Ok so my son got a ticket for driving without a license in Nov. I had told him time and again not to drive without a license or he would get caught. He did it anyway. At tax time every year I buy the kids something. This year he asked me to spend that money to help him get his license & first months insurance. I told him he should get a job AGAIN and not rely on us. In the end I said fine, either I pay your ticket or help with your license.

Now it is March. He has court on the 8th. I have been hounding him to please come with me to buy his insurance. I cant buy it by law without him there. He always has an excuse. Or he leaves his sisters and goes off to do who knows what with his "friends". One of his "friends" showed up at my house a couple nights back looking for him and ended up at my dds house with him. This "friend" is a bad friend, smokes pot, is on probation etc etc. Well he left & when I went to pick him up to get his license he was not home. He called last night and asked what I was doing. I got on him and said where were you? He got smart with me, and I told him if he was not home by tomorrow morning when I came by I would not pay for his license & would just pay off his ticket. I know he is going to get pissed and say Im not fair, that I promised him his license. But at this point what am I supposed to do>? If I pay his ticket at least he wont have a fine or court.

Am I right or wrong?


Asked by gemgem at 12:49 PM on Mar. 2, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 42 (148,630 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • He definitely needs to get his life together and get a job. If he wanted help with a car, he should have got it together at 16. Don't feel bad. He'll learn eventually.

    Answer by febmom007 at 12:55 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I wouldn't pay the ticket either. He has too much of a sense of entitlement already.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 12:57 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • Personally, I think you're too easy on him.
    He's an adult, let him make his own decisions.

    Not to sound mean, but, Mommy and Daddy won't be here forever to help you out...per say...

    Answer by Chloesmom1126 at 12:57 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I will start by saying that the way he was raised by you before turning 18 based on your personal parenting decisions. Once he hit legal age of 18 and was not doing as you asked for part of the deal made, then yes asking him to move out and being an adult on his own like he obviously seemed to have wanted to do was right. He is 22 years old now and should be a productive member of society to even some degree. He should have a job, a car or working on getting a cIar at least, and being a responsible adult in general. It's obvious if you drive without a license you will eventually get caught and will have to deal with whatever the consequences are. Therefore with that little bit being said, I think you shouldn't help him pay his ticket or get him insurance at this point, but that is my personal opinion. Some might think I'm a b*tch for saying that, but reality is he's an adult on his own now and needs to step up to the plate.

    Answer by shortmommy23 at 1:00 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • Also, let him see the consequences of getting caught with his "friend/s" that do drugs of any sort when he's with them.. He will end up paying the price in the end just as well as them. You're not doing wrong, don't be afraid to put that foot down mama and show him that you refuse to let him walk all over you period. He will learn eventually and if he doesn't well then I'm sorry to say but it will be his fault and he'll think back on how nice of a mother he had that wasn't hard on him at all when he lived under your roof.

    Answer by shortmommy23 at 1:03 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I would not pay for either. He needs to learn the hard way.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:16 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • short he is 18, not 22. He lives with my dd, who is 22.

    Comment by gemgem (original poster) at 1:04 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • Nothing more I can say, lovely ladies, except to reiterate, MAMA, PUT YOUR PRECIOUS SON WHO IS ACTING LIKE A BRAT IN. HIS. PLACE!!

    Answer by purplerobin at 7:01 PM on Mar. 2, 2011