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2 Bumps

If your spouse has ever had an affair and you stayed did you ever get over it? (Please no judging.)

I love my husband more than anything. We have been together 10 years and have 3 kids. I found out about the affair almost 3 months ago. We have since been attending church regularly and he reads his bible every night which he would have never done before. We are also going to counseling. I feel as though he has turned into the perfect husband. I feel so much closer to him now than I ever have. We spend all of our time together now and talk everything out about how we are feeling. However, I can't get it off my mind. I always thought we had the perfect marriage. I trusted him with everything I had. I want to stop thinking about it and get on with my life but I just can't. No matter where I go or what I do I am haunted by his affair. I don't want to leave. Like I said I do love him and feel he is truly remorseful for what he has done and I know it would devastate our kids. I just don't know what to do.


Asked by Anonymous at 1:43 PM on Mar. 2, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Not getting over it gives her control over your life. Leave it in the past (or at the cross). If it creeps back in your mind replace it with a happy thought of you and your family together. Forgiving is vital to find your peace with this. Quit allowing her (the affair, Satan, whatever) to have power over you. God has blessed you. Don't throw away your own blessing by giving it to others.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:17 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • have you tried couples counseling? that would be a great place for both of you to let the air out. good luck to you sweetie! *hugs* i stayed through an emotional affair and 2 years later, i sometimes have bad days especially if i see or hear about the girl somewhere, it just brings it all back. but i also have a newfound trust for my husband, that is stronger now than before he cheated. weird, isnt it? it is much easier to forgive than to forget!

    Answer by tnm786 at 1:46 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I think it's different for everyone. Mine cheated our first year. We had divorce papers and everything, but no one ever moved out or ever signed the papers. I was angry and wasn't sure I could trust him again. He moved into the extra bedroom and we just lived together for a few months. Eventually I agreed to a date... long story short, we worked things out. If we hadn't lived 800 miles away from everyone I knew it would have been over. That was 26 years ago. It took a long time and it's not easy. But if you want it, you can move past it. Good Luck with whatever you decide to do.

    Answer by knappkin at 2:19 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • This has not happened to me, and I have been married for 5 years. I think if you both are trying to make things work and make them better between you guys then you just need to give it and him some time. I think that if you have forgiven him and he truly is sorry and is also trying to make things work, then make sure that you talk to each other and let the other person know how you feel so that something like this doesn't happen again. I also think you just need to give it and him a little time. Eventually you will feel better about the whole situation.

    Answer by Mom0413 at 1:51 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • Personally, I don't have any experience- but I have read questions and answers on here similarly, and I've had friends who have stayed with their spouses who cheated on them. As far as my friends, all of those marriages eventually resulted in divorce because the women (and sometimes the men) weren't able to get over the affair as hard as they tried. In some cases, things were fine and even great for a while- but then they got cheated on for a second time (and once, third). It's tough, it seems like you guys are on the right path to patching things up, but I'm not sure how much easier it gets over time- they say time heals all wounds though. It's one of those things where you have to accept it and move on, or realize it's devastating and you don't deserve to be with someone who has done that to you, and could very well do it again. I think it depends on the affair too- was it a one night stand or an extended relationship?

    Answer by lexi8622 at 1:55 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • Yes we are going to marriage counseling.


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:56 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • He worked with her. It was emotional for 2 months and during that time they were initimate twice.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:57 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I am going through this right now,i found out 2 months ago and we are going to counseling and trying but it's very hard.
    I don't have any advice but if you need to talk i'm here and know how your feeling.
    Good Luck

    Answer by klhoe at 2:08 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • my husband (who was my boyfriend at the time of the cheating) still catches it from time to time.. he slept with this girl twice in 1 weekend.. and not back to back days.. i knew something was up after the first time.. and we were supposed to hang out the night after but i caught on to some shadiness and told him i had other plans.. went to the lake with his neighbor (my co-worker) and then when we got back from the lake.. i didnt wait around.. went staright home... he confessed the next day and begged for my forgiveness.. to tell you the truth i was hurt but i hardly ever think about HER.. or that incident.,. i think more about the girls that "pop" up now and again out of the blue.. though i dont think he would ever cheat now that we are married because he knows for sure I would screw him over every way possible.. oh and he loves me lol... it still gets to me and i cant help but say something about some people. and if ...

    Answer by Ross2010 at 3:01 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • we run into a girl that only he knows by her name.. i ask if that is her.. and he always says no but i let it go.. i dont like rememebering that he was a total jackass.

    Answer by Ross2010 at 3:02 PM on Mar. 2, 2011