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Why Do People Who Are Very Religious Feel I Need to Forgive the Man That Raped my Daughter Yet Their Child Has Never Been Raped?

Why do religious people feel I need to forgive the boy that killed my DD and yet has never lost a child? I am religious, I believe in heaven and hell, but I don't like people always telling me I need to forgive for ME to feel better. The man that raped my DD is the one who got her so messed up as a child, she lost a good boyfriend and got into a bad crowd. Thus the new boyfriend got her killed, leaving her with a baby from a different boyfriend. Now why do I have to forgive THEM? They have not asked for forgivness? One bragged about raping her, one is having a new life with a new family in another State, and my Gr-baby is being raised by an abusive Daddy. I do not dwell on these 3 as I call them scum, so I'm not ruining my life, but it just gets under my skin to tell me, FORGIVE THEM, you'll fell better. I'd rather put my energy in grieving what I've lost, and raising my GR-child the best can when I have him and undo what his Daddy does. So unless you've had a child raped, or killed, ladies, WHY and better yet DON'T. You haven't walked in my shoes, and you don't want to.             Please ladies no bashing, I'm just venting here. .

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:34 PM on Mar. 2, 2011 in Religion & Beliefs

This question is closed.
Answers (54)
  • I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I cannot ever imagine what you have gone through. No matter what anyone thinks -they are not you! You are the one dealing with the loss, hurt and pain. I personally am a religious person, I love and believe in God with all my heart. However, I honestly could never forgive anyone who would do this to someone else. Life is too precious and the act of taking a loved one away from someone else is unforgivable. My prayers are with you.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 6:12 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Ahhhh! That pisses me off, too. I am a survivor myself, and I can't tell you how many people have talked about "forgiveness" when they have never been violated or have feared for their lives. Please . . . do you think if God were standing here talking to us, he would be saying, "You need to work on forgiveness." PLLEEEAASSSEE!
    I have the same beef as you.
    I am so sorry that you have had to deal with that pain, and that stupid comments like those about forgiveness have added insult to injury.
    If the baby's daddy is abusive, you always have the option of reporting it and trying to take full custody . . .
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 2:40 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I have a friend that was murdered by her boyfriend. Even though the pain has eased a little, I wouldn't say i've 'forgiven' that man. I may be able to let go a little but forgive? that's hard.

    its not for anyone to judge how you are dealing with this. letting go of the anger helped me to move on-but i wouldn't go so far as to say i've forgiven. he will never get out of jail and i'm glad for that.
    erinwhitt

    Answer by erinwhitt at 2:44 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I've been raped and in order for me to grow from it I had to forgive but will never forget and it didn't happen quickly it took years and counseling.
    Stinson90

    Answer by Stinson90 at 2:44 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • i've heard those same things about my stepfather that abused me. well, i came to terms with it on my own. I don't forgive. i don't have to. i did nothing wrong. I can heal and move on and live a happy life, but i don't have to forgive. He did wrong, and he has to live with himself, just as i have to live with it, but just because i choose not to forgive doesn't mean i haven't healed. I will forgive someone for an accident, or maybe something they've truely repented for, but unless he's willing to turn himself in and go to prison to own up to what he's done, there's nothing TO forgive.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • This is my person opinion. I am Wiccan, and try not to follow the path of revenge. The path of moving forward. Not forgiveness, but what you send out comes back times three. People who wrong me will make their own reward. I move forward, and let it go as much as possible. I believe in grief, and mourning. I understand your anger and frustration. Mourn as you need, feel anger, and every emotion, but keep moving forward, embrace your path. The people who did horrible things to your daughter will reap their own rewards.
    PrdMilWife

    Answer by PrdMilWife at 2:52 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I'm Pagan and a childhood sexual abuse survivor. I did not forgive the man who raped and molested me. I did let go of the anger and I did move on from it. But what he did is unforgivable. Even if he dared to ask forgiveness I would not give it to him. I've learned not to let anger and rage rule my life. I don't dwell on that past. I don't get swamped in those emotions any more. I've moved beyond it. I have found letting go and forgiving to be two very different things, that may or may not have the same result.

    I am sorry for your loss. I hope you continue to heal and be the best grandmother for your grandchild.
    isabellalecour

    Answer by isabellalecour at 6:00 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • A majority of them feel saying "I forgive you" solves everything and it doesn't. It doesn't change what happened, it doesn't take the pain away, it doesn't change how they made that person feel... It doesn't resolve anything. Not if you don't truely, truely believe that you can forgive that person. Some instances though, you can't forgive someone. Not after what they've done....
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 6:28 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • you haven't really left any room for anyone to answer appropriately. no one is ever in the exact shoes as you (or anyone) is.
    all i know is you've got a lot of healing to be done, and you're the only one in that driver's seat.
    sorry about your daughter, and GL.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 2:37 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • im somewhat religious.. and i would not forgive this either. *hugs*
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 2:37 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

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