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Yet again rejected by my partner....what now? adult content

We've had this issue before, where I often am left feeling dissastified with our sex life, and he blames his lack of sexual desires on his extremely busy job (works LONG days and always has work to do at home on the weekends-teacher) and usual state of stress. When we have it, it's great and amazing, but then we have periods of time where it can go a while without it and he seems not to care. I would do it once or twice a day if we could, but on average it's once a week (and only ever on weekend).

Anyway, the other night it seemed as if we were about to but then he said he was "too tired" and promised to do it the next night, which was last night. However when we finally went to bed, he totally forgot he said that and said he wasn't in the mood and as usual "too tired, it's a weekday"...

My point is- besides being extremely sexually frustrated (something we've talked about before) I kind of feel hurt and rejected. He doesn't realize how emotional/insecure I get over it sometimes. He had A LOT of sex in his 20's with A LOT of partners, and I think I get frustrated wondering why thanks to him oversexxing his twenties, I'm missing out now.

Any advice?? In any other situation have you been or felt rejected sexually? I can't stop thinking about it for some reason...

Also, if you have never been let down or have sex with your SO/DH every day, you're not the person I'd like to hear from- sry

Thx!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Mar. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • My husband was the "rarely interested" sort. Now he's the "never interested" thanks to his back problems.

    But for those "rarely interested" days? I looked at the situation very hard. Weighed the pros and cons. And decided that this was a very small con compared to all the pros of our relationship.

    You may have to do that comparison for yourself. For some women it's a LARGE con.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:28 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I am in somewhat the same situation. I know how you feel. I dont know what their problem is. I know mine looks at porn sometimes, never while i am here. And he always finds a reason not to do it. Icould have tooka shower that morning and he would say, "you havent had a shower" or say he hasnt had a shower, or he will say not right now baby. I thought we were supposed to be the ones turning them down. We do have sex about once a week, and every oncfe in a while we will do it like 3-4 times a week but that is rare! I have said something to him about it but i dont think i am going about it the right way because i usually only say something when i am pissed about it. And i dont try to have sex with him a lot because the times that he has turned me down hurt my confidence so bad im scared to even try because i dont wanna feel that way. If i figure something out i will let you kno. But good luck!! And you are not the only one
    arkelly2188

    Answer by arkelly2188 at 3:30 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • Thx, for me it's a LARGE con, as you put it. Sure it's not enough to leave, but it does make me want to distance myself from him sometimes, or make me feel like he isn't attracted to me and things like that- as foolish as it sounds.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:34 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • By the way... once a week? Your men are HORN DOGS compared to mine.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:34 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • And no, it doesn't sound foolish. Not at all. We all want to feel loved and reassured that we are desirable.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:37 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • My DH went through the 'rarely interested' phase as well, and sometimes you just have to deal. With my DH, it wasn't meant to be personal, he was just stressed, tired, and preoccupied with a ton of things. You have to look at it from HIS standpoint too- you don't feel like having sex when you're tired or stressed, or feel down about yourself, right?
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 3:38 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • OP- I don't know but I am in the same boat. We are still very affectionate and cuddle all of the time and tell each other "I love you" every day. But He just doesn't want it! He said the other night that he hasn't actually wanted sex in a few years, but when I come on to him he sometimes just gets in the mood. It's been weeks since we have done anything and I'm at the point where I am done making advances. I'm 7 months pregnant, don't feel great about myself, and sometimes just want to get frisky. He tells me I'm beautiful but it doesn't take care of how my woman parts feel!

    As opposed to being over sexed in his 20's he was way undersexed. He went 4 1/2 years without it. He has a low self esteem and this is the longest relationship he has been in.

    We had a long talk the other night and pretty much left it at "if you need to take care of things- go for it" for both of us.
    meandrphoto

    Answer by meandrphoto at 3:52 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I been there many times. But I know that I have also been in those spurts myself. I find myself wanting sex all the time. Almost every night and am devastated when he doesn't want it. Then before I realize it I can go 3-4 nights without having sex. My husband right now wants sex often about 4 times a week. In other spurts he could go about 4 nights without it. I think it has to do with him working about 70-80 hours a week and stressed out about it. We have been together 10 years. We love each other very much and sex is amazing. Maybe it is just a phase for him. He may come out of it. I get really frusterated with myself when I know that I am in these moods where I go from wanting it all the time to not caring about having sex for several nights. It isn't because I don't want my husband, its some crazy mood swing I can't seem to control. I wish you luck and hopefully things change for you.
    momofangels5

    Answer by momofangels5 at 4:39 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • have you ever tried taking care of yourself when he's lying next to you?
    usually gets my husband going big time.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 5:30 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I understand my friend! I feel like my bf and I don't have sex like we use to. Though we have only been together for five months, I feel rejected sometimes as well and it does hurt. I didnt know he was taking Cialis when we first started dating, he is on bp meds and is somewhat overweight he says he thinks that has a lot to do with it. BUT I kinda do get tired of hearing it and do get selfish and want the sex. I don't like feeling rejected either, so sometimes I keep on and it makes my jaw hit the floor when I hear "maybe in a little bit" are you kidding me? "Maybe??" So no you are not the only one...I have now many times fully understand why some cheat and stray when they say they are "not getting it from the one they are with" not that I would ever to that to my man I love him dearly. BUT I do have a clear understanding now. I have NEVER had to ask or feel as though I am begging for sex.......
    AmI88

    Answer by AmI88 at 7:39 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

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