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Family, really?

I dont speak w/ my bio mom b/c she was abusive, been 8yrs since we last spoke. Her husband (my stepdad) has a sis in alaska. Xmas 2009 she sent me a card saying she wanted to reconnect etc In this 1st attempt at a reconnect in 7yrs she immediately said she would love to meet up next time she is in maine.

My mom is very munipulative & I have opted to have absolutely nothing to do w/ her. I make sure to be careful what to say to ppl b/c I dont need her drama near my child. This women is close to my stepdad & I want to be cautious about a connection w/ her. All the same I wrote back a very polite, undetailed letter back stateing I wanted nothing to do w/ my mom but that shouldnt affect us being friends.

I didnt hear back which is fine. This past xmas 2010 she writes another letter. Again saying when she comes to maine lets meet up & closes it out w/ hope you find time to write back. This indicates that either she didnt get my letter from the previous year or forgot about it. Again I wrote back another letter. Here it is march & no word from her.

I could honestly care less about having a relationship w/ her of not. Just wanted to see what you ladies thought of the situation. Sometimes its nice to have an outside perspective you know. I will not work to have a relationship w/ anyone if they dont put in the work back, I have learned this the hard way. I am at peace w/ my past & will never allow anyone to shatter that peace. I enter into a friendship w/ someone close to the family like this with caution but only b/c my mom is a threat to myself & my child (she has threatened to kill me in the past, told others she would cause me harm, & beaten me before).

Is just a weird couple of cards & does make me think that maybe my mom has something to do w/ this. Thoughts?


Asked by Mel30248 at 4:20 PM on Mar. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Level 26 (25,898 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • It sounds to me as if she gets sentimental around the holidays. I'd send her a nice card and leave it at that. I don't think she's trying to rebuild a relationship but maybe alleviate some guilt for not speaking to you.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 8:22 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I feel the same way as you. I wrote my family off last year (reasons that I don't want to get into here). I told my mom what my family needed to do before I would speak to them again. Until it happens (and I doubt that it will), I have nothing more to say to say to them. I'm through with them.

    You have to do what's best for you and if you don't feel you need to renew your relationship, then don't.

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 4:29 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I wouldn't keep replying to the woman.

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:33 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • Just a puzzling situation. It dosent bother me just figure I'd see what others had to say. This women wrote me out of her life 7yrs prior to the 1st card. I tried to keep in touch w/ her after I left my moms but she refused to write or call back. Yet she would write & call my roomate (another faimly member my age also in a situation w/ the family too) I'd listen to him talk to her on the phone yet for me I'd never hear back. Is kind of strange that she wrote in the 1st place was my thought.

    Also she got the address from our Nana, someone I just started to have a relationship with 2yrs beforehand! The reason I was not in touch w/ Nana is b/c my mom told me she was mean, awful, hated me etc so I thought that was true only to find out years later that non of it was true, reason my mom disliked Nana b/c Nana called her out on the way she treated me years ago. Something just sounded fishy that is all!

    Comment by Mel30248 (original poster) at 4:36 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • Austinsmom- I didnt think of it in that way, you may be right. I do just as you said with each xmas card send back a short, polite, no descriptive letter & leave it at that. Certainly would make sense that she would be doing to ease some of her guilt. Thanks.

    Comment by Mel30248 (original poster) at 1:31 AM on Mar. 3, 2011