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I need advice on discipline

My husband and I have 12 and 13 year old sons. They basically are good boys, but they are just that -- boys. They act up, won't clean their rooms, say they don't have homework and we find out (too late) that they really did, they won't do their chores, and things like that. We have tried grounding them, but that is just not working, because, as it is, they will not see the light of day until they are 80!!!! I need advice on some other discipline methods, please.

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haroldswife

Asked by haroldswife at 10:53 PM on Nov. 20, 2008 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I really hope someone has a good answer for you, the best I have found if semi bribery, like if you want to ...then first I need you to...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Wow, it's really ironic that you ask this question because our 10 yr old son is going through the exact same thing. And we've tried the same things and NOTHING. So tonight, we took a drastic step (let my son tell it lol) and TOTALLY CLEANED OUT HIS ROOM. The only things he has in there are his bed, pillow, blankets, desk, dresser, computer stand, lamp, paper, pencils and crayons. We left the TV and cable box in but unplugged them and took the cables! We've just had enough and we mean business. In the meantime, if we each find something that works, let's share and maybe we'll get some much deserved and needed sanity!frustrated

    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 11:15 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • Take away things they like until stuff is done. No TV, no games, NOTHING until the chores and homework are done. Otherwise, if they won't do that, let them sit alone in their rooms till they will. A room stripped of all tvs, music, games etc.
    PamJM

    Answer by PamJM at 11:16 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • I have 3 boys- 16, 12 and 9 and I have yet to find anything that helps.
    They are all boy and sometimes it drives me damn crazy!
    I have learned to "pick my battles". That helps a lot. If they want a dirty room, then keep the door closed and NO friends over until it's cleaned. If their dirty clothes don't make it to the laundry, they have to wash them. I don't really stress over a lot of things. But they do get in trouble for certain things.
    BrendaMomOf3

    Answer by BrendaMomOf3 at 1:14 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • We have the same rules as BrendaMomOf3 about the room and laundry, as far as getting my son to do chores I tell him they have to be done before computer, video games, tv or leaving. The homework is also a problem for us, on the 5 week report he had several classes he had hw missing for so we took away his texting (you would have thought we locked him in a dungeon for 5 weeks) and when report cards came this week he only had 1 class say missing hw. Also when report cards come out I bribe him for the next quarter, for every point grades are raised on the next one he gets $1.00, for every point they drop he pays $1.00!
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 8:40 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • My boy is only 4 and we have had to do some drastic measures at this age. He is a typical boy and we butt heads all the time. I know it's a shame because we are true Virgo's. Well for awhile, he wouldn't pick up his toys. We resulted to putting it in a garbage bag and putting it away for a couple of days. Now we don't really have too much fuss about picking up toys. We've taken away computer time when he doesn't want to get ready for school or brush his teeth before school. I know it seems harsh but my son loves to play games on the computer. We've also taken away his games for the t.v. There we're times that we took his t.v. out of his room. I'm sorry we seem so harsh for a 4 yr. old but my son will learn respect of his things and others. This is the way I was brought up to respect others and their things so I have to instill this in my son.
    AlohaWahine

    Answer by AlohaWahine at 9:16 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • continuation from above :
    My hubby & I play no games when it comes to misbehaving. We won't stand for it. He gets a lot of time outs. Now all we have to do is say " Go to your room ! " Sometimes I feel like a bad Mother but I feel this is the only way so my son will behave. My hubby & I go round in circles sometimes. I know we have our hands full. God watch over us as he gets older. Please know that I feel for you and am here to lend you my support. I hope the boys get back on track. Take Care & God Bless.
    Loves, Paulette
    AlohaWahine

    Answer by AlohaWahine at 9:17 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • I guess at your son's ages you can still take what they value most away. I agree on removing all fun activities from their rooms. T.v., games and computer time. If it works on my 4 yr. old, I'm sure it will have a bigger impact on your teens. I'll pray that you have a happy home again. Don't be such a stranger. Always remember I am here for you. Thank you for sharing. Loves, Paulette


    hugs

    AlohaWahine

    Answer by AlohaWahine at 9:23 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • With your boys being that age, it is time to start taking things away from them and tell them that they will not get them back until they do what you ask. They are not babies anymore by a long shot. Try this and let me know what happens. It sounds to me like they are just testing you . Yes, they are just being boys but there is a limit to what you have to do to get them to listen. Be stern but be fair. And keep up to what you tell them. If you cave in they will see that and will continue to do what they are doing. Hope this helps you .
    Grandmav03
    Grandmav03

    Answer by Grandmav03 at 10:30 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

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