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8 Year Old Daughter has been acting mean to her friends

My 8 year old daughter is a great student and never had any behavior issues at school. Recently, she has been acting means to her friends. If she gets angry, she will call them brats or say something about having more friends than they do. She has never had this problem before, and has always had a lot of friends. Is this a phase or do I need to get her help. She is not taking responsibility for her actions and has been lying to me about what she says and does. Today, she was angry about not getting picked to do something, so she said the girl who was picked was "a brat, and I am more popular than her." I don't know where this has come from. I have always told her that she needs to treat others with respect and that no one is better than anyone else. I am worried she will become a "mean girl" and have no friends. I've told her popularity is not important -having true friends is. Please help!

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Asked by concernedmom21 at 8:18 PM on Mar. 2, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 3 (16 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • ahhh I have an 8 year old boy....2nd grade.... he's experienced a couple kids in his class doing this... what I would suggest is that you have a little talk with her. She needs to know there are far more important things in life than "how popular you are." I don't know if you and your family are religious or not, but sometimes it helps to remind them that God is always watching and he wants everyone to treat eachother like he would. I ask my son, how do you think God feels about that? I know this is a lot for kids to take in, but there are a few verses in the bible that might be able to help you get your point across. I know that kids will be kids, but if we dont stop them from making some poor choices regarding others' feelings, then we all could be in for a really tough teenager....good luck, ~Katie

    Answer by katieandchris01 at 8:24 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I think its a phase but I think its important that you talk to her so that she is able to grow out of it.

    I have a younger cousin who started acting like this around 8...and unfortunately her mother just fueled it and encouraged her to 'stand up for herself' and 'have confidence.' Unfortunately, what that translated into was "do whatever you want" and "overindulge yourself."

    My cousin is now 12 and I can't stand to be around her.

    Answer by metalhealthmom at 8:27 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • Thank you both. My daughter attends a religious school. I was able to get the truth from her when I reminded her that God knows what happened and there is a commandment about lying. I also talked to her about how her comments made the other girl feel. I believe that she was sorry for what she said. I told her that she needs to apologize to the girl and hope that she is forgiven. My daughter is afraid her friends will be mad at her for what she said, but I told her they have every right to be. All she can do know is work on being nicer and respecting others. Also, I made sure she knows that "popularity" is not important at all and it is NEVER okay to make someone else feel less important than herself. Thanks again!

    Comment by concernedmom21 (original poster) at 8:42 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I would have a talk with you but I would think she is getting these ideas from her friends. Girls can be so hard on one another, I think they are more mean to each other than boys, that is for sure. I would explain to her just because some act that way does not mean everyone should.

    Answer by Peajewel at 8:11 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • I think that just having a lot of discussions about kindness and compassion is important. Practice some empathy-exercises, like role playing and setting up a scenario of "how would you feel in _____ position?" Kind of thing. Sometimes just having honest talks about it and how it is important to be kind and forgiving of our friends really goes a long way.

    Answer by KTMOM at 1:08 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • She probably is getting this from other girls at school, and is trying it out to see if it works for her.

    Answer by Pnukey at 8:12 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • she might be picking it up from others

    Answer by Ashlynnsmommy07 at 12:00 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • And it only gets worse in adolescence, you need to nip it in the bud as much as possible now. Just let her know that this is unacceptable behavior, and that she needs to consider other people's feelings. I always told mine that before she made remarks about someone, ask themselves how they would feel if it was said to or about them.

    Answer by elasmimi at 1:57 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • I have no advice for you but here's a bump

    Answer by Jerichos_Mommy at 12:09 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

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