Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Does this sound "normal" for a boy to do?

I have 2 boys, 4 and 2. Lately, my 4 yrold has been doing some things that I'm not sure how to react to. I think it's normal for a little boy to play with himself sometimes and I've never made an issue about that. But lately, they'll both be in the tub, and I'll catch him playing with his brothers 'wiener', asking bro to play with his. Then today they were playing and I went in and checked on them and he had his pants down and was telling bro to 'play with my wiener'. I think I over-reacted and kind of yelled, telling him to pull his pants up right now. I know I'm over-sensitive to abuse, since I was myself, I'm constantly worried about it. The only place anything could have happened to them is their g-parents house. I've talked to him about how no one is supposed to touch him there, and sometimes ask him about it. He says no. Just wondering if this is normal exploration, and if other brothers have done this??

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:36 PM on Nov. 20, 2008 in Preschoolers (3-4)

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Was a sex offender specialist for 8 years. Maybe a problem, maybe not. Really need more info, but here goes...Your own issues ARE VERY IMPORTANT! Grandparents - one of them YOUR abuser? Is that why you are anxious and questioning your son regularly? If so, STOP taking them there! Most offenders are family members, have multiple victims over their lifetimes and have BOTH male and female victims. A 2 yo will listen to 4 yo. Age differential -coercive force absent overt force -complying not consenting. Set boundaries - separate baths; potty & dressing privacy for all (personal space needed). Make clear touching someone's "weiner" or asking someone to touch yours is never OK; consequent. To play only with his own and only in private may be bad advice IF he is being sexually reactive (common for abused kids). Investigate. Gut is telling you something. Don’t dismiss it; stay calm. Involve someone objective & knowledgeable.
    pullinkytink

    Answer by pullinkytink at 2:59 PM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • I dont have boys but i dont think its that normal... It sounds a little weird to me.. Good Luck!
    BallardMomma

    Answer by BallardMomma at 11:38 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • I have two boys same ages and it's normal, I freaked too. So I asked the doc. and he said it was. I just stopped them taking baths together and stopped letting them walk around in their undies. Oh and check on them often when they are in their rooms
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:43 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • i'm not sure if it's normal, though i've got two boys and never noticed anything w/ them. i think you should deff. remind him that his parts are private and so are everyone else's. that nobody is allowed to touch but himself and that has to be done in privacy, (ie bathroom, bedroom). my nephew likes to try to 'married kiss' our daughters, and i have had this talk w/ all of them and it seems to help. good luck
    ksueditz

    Answer by ksueditz at 11:45 PM on Nov. 20, 2008

  • I think its time for him to take his own bath!
    My son plays with his... But isnt really too interested in anyone elses... He just wants to be naked allt he time... hes 4 ....

    Good luck, but i would def not let there be co-baths...
    tyree08

    Answer by tyree08 at 3:58 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • I think to some degree it's "normal". IMO...it's just simple suriousity and that is all. I wouldn't make too big of a deal out of it...especially when he's touching himself.

    I would take the 4 year old aside (and this is what I've done with my son who's now 5) and tell him that it's ok to touch himself as long as he's in his own room by himself, but that it's never ok to touch anyone else's private areas and it's also never ok for anyone to touch his.

    After that talk, I would go ahead and let them bathe together and just observe the next bathtime...if it stops, then I see no harm in letting them take baths together. I still think though, that around 5 years old they should have learned (or be learning ) to take their own baths and showers and clean themselves.

    I hope this helps!.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • If he's 4 years old he should know about private parts. But yes it's normal. That little they see nothing wrong with it. It feels good so why not? They're completely innocent. They don't look at it as sexual.

    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 12:45 PM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • Well, I was not abused sexually and the neighborhood boys down the street (2 of them) who were the same age - we played doctor from time to time. That was normal. I also have known kids to shoot at the other's penis, yank the penis..ect. Again, not nice, but it happens. It may be your son is going through a stage where he is facinated by his gender and penis. However, his behavior is inappropriate and you do need to keep an eye on him and punish him for being inappropriate with his brother. He can touch himself but he can't touch others or ask others to touch him. He says no one has touched him and for right now you don't have any other reason to believe that is true. Unless your gut says something happend at grandparents home, while in church, at pre-school...then just keep an extra ear open. IF you suspect, then pursue it.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 2:04 PM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • Thank you all for your answers. I feel a bit better! I wanted to say to pullinkytink that no, the grandparents they see are absolutely not the ones who abused me! They are my in-laws. I have no contact with my side of the family because of what happened and I would never do that to my kids. I'll just keep talking to him to about it. I tell him all the time that he needs to tell me if ANYONE besides me or my husband touch him there, so hopefully he will. And I'm not going to have them take baths together anymore! I actually stopped that already. I'm still going to watch him closely because it worries me, and it's not like I can come out and accuse somebody. If something is going on, I know exactly who it is, and that would be a huge blow out. I've been limiting the time they spend there though.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:09 PM on Nov. 21, 2008

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN