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Wow my brother needs some help

ok, so I'm going to vent here....thanks. I am getting married in July, I am the the only girl my parents have out of 3 kids...I have 2 brothers, one of which passed away. The one that I have still, seems to have a problem with everything about me. Yet, when its just he and i, he can open up to me, tell me how proud of me he is...and that he loves me. Yet, when his wife is around, it's like he is supposed to act like I am his worst enemy. She's so flippin weird you wouldn't even believe it. They decided to have a baby a month after meeting, and I let them know how I felt about it....I told them they were crazy and really had no clue what they were getting themselves into. (I had my son 2 weeks after my 18th birthday and have raised him by myself, working full time to provide for him) So it's not like I was clueless as to what I was talking about. But despite my opinion, they did get pregnant...having my nephew, whom I love dearly... She was 19 and my brother was 24. They dont know what its like to be full time parents because her dad has always lived with them. Though he is an alcoholic, and she claims to hate him for it....but it doesnt stop them from drinking, atleast 2-3 times a week, to get drunk, not just have one and be done. So they get frustrated and hand the kids (oh ya, there's 2 kids now, only because they said they wanted to hurry up and have kids so they could get them grown and gone) over to her dad.... she gets frustrated cause the kids are being whiney, so hands them over to her dad. Well he finally wised up and got a full time job, so they moved our step brother in so he could be their live in nanny... they give him free room and board and cigs, and alcohol...to watch their kids. Very messed up. Anyways, they got married last year, and asked me to be a bridesmaid, out of respect for my brother, I did. I certainly didnt do it for her. On thanksgiving a few years back, my brother was intoxicated and wanted to have a heart to hear talk, letting me know that he loves me and such...she got so mad she threw a fit and told him that he makes her sick, showing me that he loves me, that he should just go sleep with me that night....ya...what the heck. I told her she was nuts and needs serious counceling. My point is that they dont take care of their kids like they should because they always have a back up person there to deal with the kids when they dont want to. Thats messed up. I will say that we recently asked my brother to be in our wedding, at which he said sure, he would love to...then called 10 minutes later saying he couldnt because he didn't know whats going to be going on then...in JULY. Um, thats why you plan ahead of time. Whatever. Truth be told, she asked him what we wanted when we called him, and he said we wanted him to be in our wedding... Well turns out, he can't because I didnt ask her to be in it. I dont like her, I dont like her weak attempt of being a mother, or her jealous, childlike behavior. Why would I ask her to be in my wedding? Forget that. Ohh ya, our dad lives in Oklahoma, and with me being his daughter, he will be coming to town for my wedding and walking me down the isle. My brother told my dad that he is choosing to take his vacation for early July...knowing my wedding is July 9th, and told dad that he would be coming down there to visit. Well my dad let him know that he isn't going to be home early july because he will be in town for the wedding...my brother says "ohh nice dad, I'm wanting to come visit you and you're telling me you aren't going to be home? Shows how much you really want to spend time with me and my family, dad." Funny thing is that when my dad comes to town, he makes sure to visit both of us, and does so atleast 2 times a year. Dad came up for their wedding, of course....and it was nice and all went well....she was a bit of a drama queen but that was to be expected. But now that its time for my wedding, my brother wants to throw a fit... what gives? then my mom tells me that everytime she goes to visit them, my brothers wife always mentions that she feels like shes in competition with me....like I care. I just feel like I have lost both brothers...the one that passed away, I'd give anything to talk to him again....but the brother I have left, acts like he is better than everyone. Especially me. Strange. Thanks for reading.....

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katieandchris01

Asked by katieandchris01 at 10:27 PM on Mar. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Level 15 (1,948 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • She sounds very immature and so does your brother if he really wanted to be there for you on your wedding day he would be no matter who told him not to be. I would distance myself from those two. Eventually they will probably split up and he may need you then.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 10:33 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • thats something I have been seriously considering....very hard though, he's the only brother I have left. Today on my way to work, I couldn't help but wonder how it would effect him if i werent here anymore....what would be the difference? He doesnt call me, or return my calls, has to act like a tough guy when he he's around me in front of others. Doesn't make any effort to be in my life....or my son's. Sad thing is that my son just loves his uncle....talks about him quite often. For veterans day, the kids had to color a picture at school of a soldier, my son wrote "my uncle Joe" out of all people he knows....
    katieandchris01

    Comment by katieandchris01 (original poster) at 10:40 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • Wow, thats sad and hard work ... I wonder if you have considered getting counselling for yourself to get tools for dealing with them? As you know you can't control peoples behaviour, you can only control how you react to it. You might find a life coach or similar might be able to give you some new ideas for dealing with it all. Congrats on your wedding, try to enjoy it. My sister did her best to wreck my day, and it did take me ages to get over it... but at the end of the day you just have to say - it's their loss.
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 10:41 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • thank you so much, never thought of that. It just hurts more than anything. He's all I have left. My father's only remaining son as well...and at times he treats dad the same as he does me.....I think it may be a case of "don't realize what you have til its gone"
    katieandchris01

    Comment by katieandchris01 (original poster) at 10:43 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I totally understand what you are going through, my brother and his wife sound similar to yours. They haven't been able to have kids yet, though. Thank God. I'm not sure how much you can really do about their behavior, so like okmommy said, distance yourself from them. It might be a good idea to explain to your brother how much you care about him, but can't continue with this drama. Maybe one day they will eventually see the error of their ways. Good luck.
    mommy_jules

    Answer by mommy_jules at 10:43 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • Don't let your sil to ruin the most important day of your life. Do the right thing mail a wedding invitation card to both your brother and sister in law. I think that your situation is very common. We tend to act differently once in laws become part of our family. I just hope that your situation gets resolve for the sake of your son and nephew.
    MMXI

    Answer by MMXI at 10:44 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • They will get their invitation, though I am not expecting their attendance....why would they want to participate in my special day? lol
    katieandchris01

    Comment by katieandchris01 (original poster) at 11:03 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I completely understand what you are dealing with, I too am and have been there, but just ignore them and their childish behavior.
    momto4girzls

    Answer by momto4girzls at 12:36 AM on Mar. 3, 2011

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