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Would you take on your out of control nephew?

My nephew has been running wild, in trouble with police, pulled knife at school yesterday and threatened to hurt himself or others, runs away and stays away for several days, smokes, drinks and is generally out of control. He is 13 yrs old!
Where he lives unfortunately, the support and law systems are all in favor of him, police cannot force him to return home, they are legally not allowed to tell his parents where he is staying. He has said his aim is to get into juvenile detention cos "it's cool". My Sister in law and her hubby are going crazy and last night she asked if he can come live with us - fresh start, new town etc. I don't want him to. I have 4 kids aged 16, 14, 12 and 6 and don't think I can handle the responsibility. I also don't think he will behave better for me and I don't want that influence on my own kids. The other alternative is to sign him over to DOC's temporarily which are strangers but they deal with kids like this everyday and are much more street savvy than me or his parents. I have said no.
Of course that makes me the bad guy with all my in laws.. wonder what you all think?


Asked by myheartx4 at 11:07 PM on Mar. 2, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 14 (1,675 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • This kid needs help NOW. His parents need to contact anyone who is willing to take him into some sort of facility that handles kids like this. I have three boys that are still young (8,6 and 2) but I think I would be willing to let juvenile court take him if that is what it takes. I am sorry that they are making you feel like the bad guy, that is a tough spot and they should not have done that.

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 11:18 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • His parents need to take control and quickly because once he gets into the system it will not get any better.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:10 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I don't think you should risk the well-being of your own children and I agree with you that he probably won't do any better for you than he has for his parents. If his parents cannot handle him, then perhaps the professionals will have a better chance. If your in-laws are so gung-ho about keeping him out of the system, is there anyone else that could take the boy in? Years ago my SD moved in with us because she had been in and out of trouble and her mother couldn't handle her. We couldn't either and there were serious problems with her exposure to my children, so we sent her back. She continued to be in and out of trouble and now in her mid-40's, she has been in prison at least two or three times, currently out on parole, has had all four of her children taken from her. You cannot save a sinking ship in most cases and you risk sinking yourself too. Stick to your guns, no matter what anyone else says! God bless you!

    Answer by mikesmom65270 at 11:19 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • It sounds like he needs serious help, has the family considered having him admitted to a hospital where he can be evaluated? If has said that he wants to harm himself you can take him to the hospital for help, expressing his thoughts of suicide.
    My nephew is in a similar situation - drugs, alcohol, didn't go to school, on probation, runs away, etc...the last time he said he wanted to kill himself my brother had him committed to the hospital for evaluation.
    It sounds like he may have some mental illness, that could require therapy and maybe medication before it's too late. Unfortunately my nephew is now 17 and my brother has given up, I won't be surprised when he ends up in jail. I have to be honest I wish I had taken him in and had legal guardenship to put him on my insurance and get him the help he needed. Like you, with my own kids I just couldn't do it. I feel guilty but I had to do what was best for my family

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 10:42 AM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • I would say no and I think that's very lazy of them personally.  Look at everything you already have on your plate!  You are trying to raise your own children and they are trying to get you to take care of theirs also?!  That seems very selfish to me. And I agree, why would you want that kind of influence around your children.  He pulled a knife at school and threatened to hurt himself and others, what if he did that to one of your children?!  I would be the "bad guy" also and say no.


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 11:19 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I wouldnt want him around younger and more impressionable children in case they start to look up to him and behave the same way. I also think it would be unfairly overwhelming to you. Say no!

    His parents need to actually parent him though.Running around at night with strangers, drinking and smoking, threatening self injury, and acting violantly are dangerous behaviors! I had similar problems at 13 and my parents hospitalized me (as in mental hospital) saying that I was a threat to myself and others. I was angry at the time but the people there helped me and I am perfectly normal and happy since then.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Thanks ladies, I must say his parents are trying to get him under control now but if he runs away the police just say they can't make him come home... stupid!! They let him have too much freedom to begin with and has gone horribly wrong, but as you say it is not my problem to solve. I have suggested they have him committed for psych evaluation, that's if they can get hold of him and get him to hospital!

    Comment by myheartx4 (original poster) at 5:01 PM on Mar. 3, 2011