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I think my brother is milking our fathers death....

Its been about 3 weeks since our dad died. He died out of the country so we didnt get to go to a funeral or anything. My brother was of course sad and cried for about two days. Our parents have been divorced for a few years. And its been about 6 months of no child support payments so money is tight. Hes 15 and my mom cant afford all the stuff he wants, and lately it seems, hes been asking people to buy him stuff that dad promissed to get for him. Hes been asking me, my DH, my in laws, his friends. And everyone has been buying him stuff and taking him places because they feel like they should, since his dad died. I feel like he is taking advantage of the situation. My mom feels the same way. Her and I both know how he will make people feel sorry for him so he can get stuff that he wants. I dont really know how to bring it up to him or to everyone who is buying him stuff. Or should I let it go? What do you think??

Answer Question
 
leksismommy

Asked by leksismommy at 11:33 PM on Mar. 2, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 25 (22,485 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I lost a loved one two weeks ago and the funeral was Monday, so I know a little about grief. First Im sorry for your fathers passing. There are so many stages to the grieving process. Everything from sadness to anger to depression and everyone grieves in their own way and time. It sounds to me like your brother is angry right now, angry that his dad is gone forever and they can never have any do overs. I would give it awhile, if family feels the need to go out of their way to ease his pain, then so be it. I know for me right now, everyday is different, my emotions are on a roller coaster and sometimes it feels like its getting harder before its getting any easier. I hope this helped.
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 11:39 PM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • He needs grief counseling
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:16 AM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Stuff doesn't bring back his dad...it might get his mind of of his dad temporarily, but it doesn't solve the emotions that he's going through.
    CABlonde

    Answer by CABlonde at 8:07 AM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • What is wrong with a little indulgence in his grieving? everyone deals with loss differently, I am so sorry for your loss...
    older

    Answer by older at 10:13 AM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • I wouldnt just let it go. I think it is important for things to go back to as normal as possible. When my uncle died we had the same problem with one of my cousins acting particularly needy. We assumed it would work itself out as she finished grieving but it became a habit instead. If he needs consolation then have family get togethers more, go to a group like church or group counseling, and make sure he sees friends. It is not ok for him to take advantage of peoples kindness and sympathy.

    If it is bothering your mother, that makes it even more of a problem. She is probably afraid to say something and risk upsetting her own child so she needs you on her side. You should talk to the family because chances are that someone else agrees with you too and will be willing to help.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 1:06 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • He needs to be in grief counseling. It has only been 3 weeks since his father died and that is hard for a kid to take. It doesn't matter if the father paid child support or not, it is the fact that his father died.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 4:29 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

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