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My husband does not want me to have our baby what should i do?

I am 19 years old with a 2 year old little boy. I recently took a few pregnancy tests and found out that i am in fact pregant again. At first my husband was excited about having another baby, as am I, but then my parents who are against me haveing another child at this age convinced him that getting an abortion is the best thing for everyone involved. I don't believe in abortion personally, to each his own but it just isn't something i could see myself doing. Unfortunetly I am completely dependant on my husband as he is the only person working and financially taking care of our family and I am worried that if I keep the baby he will leave and I don't know how I am suppose to survive with my two children if he leaves. I am confused and hurt and I don't know what to do. HELP! I am just looking for some advice on how I can manage if he leaves or how I can convince him that this is not the right thing to do.

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mommieme715

Asked by mommieme715 at 1:45 AM on Mar. 3, 2011 in Pregnancy

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • You are married, you got pregnant....he needs to take responsibilty for that. it's not like you were dating and ooops you got knocked up. You are his wife, you 2 have a child together....so another baby was always a possibility. If he doesn't want to tke care of you that's okay...empower yourself, find a job and take care of yourself and your children. Be the adult you are. You CAN do it. MANY women do it. It's scary and it won't be easy but stand up fo yourself and stand up for your child. Be strong. Be a woman your 2yo can be proud of and be the woman who fought for them to make this child proud. Don't depend on anyone to care for you and don't let anyone intimidate you. At 19 I had my 1st child and by 25 I had 4 children, it wasn't a bad thing for me or for them or for their dad. Your husband may just be scared....but don't him push you around. ((((BIG HUGS))))
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 AM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Tell him how you honestly feel. It's not just a fetus right now, it's a person (in my opinion at least). How would he feel if your 2 year old had been aborted? Ask him that. Stick with your beliefs because if you don't, you will probably never forgive yourself from the way you sound. I had my oldest when I was 19, and 20 months later accidentally got pregnant again. Thankfully, my husband never once even considered abortion but we had to work HARD to make it work. Now of course we would not change it, we love all three of our kids unconditionally. I know it is hard to be a young mom, and even scarier facing the fact that you might have to do it alone. But you CAN do it if it comes to that. There are organizations that help young single moms. If your DH left you, you would definitely qualify for child support at least, and in most states you would probably qualify for daycare assistance so you could work and go to school. CONT
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 1:53 AM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Depending on your income, there are many things that you could get help with. There are places that help with rent, child care, food stamps, WIC. Be strong for your child, because you are the one who holds it's life in your hands right now. If you ever just need to talk, send me a message. I know how stressful it is! (By the way, DH and I have made it 15 years and have a wonderful marriage...it can be done even with the stress of two kids at such young ages!!) Good luck :-)
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 1:55 AM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • I agree with what the first 2 posters said- your dh needs to man up and accept that the two of you created a life and that you both need to make whatever sacrifices necessary to raise a healthy loving child. Tell him that his parents don't call the shots in your life. You DON"T have to have an abortion just because of the situation or what he says. Tell him that you are having this baby, whether or not he wants to be there is up to him. Be firm! Find a book or go online and look at how your baby is developing (depending on how many weeks you are) and show him that the baby is already a life. Tell him how much you would be saddened if something were to happen to the baby. If it were me(dh would NEVER be pro choice, nor am I) I would tell dh that I was separating from him if he didn't back down. I wouldn't want to be with someone ho wanted to kill my child. CHILDREN come before anything!!!!

    SweetLoveofMine

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 2:07 AM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • If he leaves you, you will make it. I promise. It may not be easy all the time but you will be able to make it. If you have an abortion just to make him and your parents happy you will resent them the rest of your life! Which would you rather live with...two kids and no husband or knowing that you killed your baby? Don't let anyone talk you into something that you don't want to do...especially not something as important as this. You can do it if you have to! Lots of moms do!
    lori57703

    Answer by lori57703 at 2:07 AM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Thank you all so much for your replys they all gave me the much need courage to step up to my parents and my husband and let them all know that I can and will be able to do this with or without there help. I am just so scared to do it with out him and I hope he realizes that I need his help with our children and doesn't run away from our children and myself. Thank you all once again for the support I really needed to hear that it is possible to do this.
    mommieme715

    Comment by mommieme715 (original poster) at 2:25 AM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • I got pregnant and up until then I like you thought abortions was not for me. I was so scared that I couldn't think straight. My boyfriend thought an abortion would be best and it made a lot of since. He told me we could try later. It made complete since. I didn't not want a baby. I ran straight to the clinic and had the abortion. I knew some women regret this decision but I knew I would not be like them. I knew this was what I wanted, I was very sure. I had almost no second thoughts about it.
    Only a few days later I became devastated. I felt empty and alone. I wished I would have kept it even if it meant I lost my boyfriend. I felt like I made the worst decision of my life. I could not believe it, I was one of the women who have huge regret. The my boyfriend admitted he had regret too.
    We are now pregnant again, but still the regret is in the back of our mind.
    I think you will regret it. UR BF will come around.
    sierramagic

    Answer by sierramagic at 2:29 AM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Looks like I didn't read your whole question in my last response sorry. He will come around. How dose he treat your other baby? Is he a good Dad? I think if you look at how he is with the first one then he will probably be the same with this one when he comes around. You will be ok
    sierramagic

    Answer by sierramagic at 2:33 AM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • he is a great provider he works a lot so he isn't really around much but when he is around he is great with our first child,but this time he is acting completely different and it scares me. I know that it is going to be extremely difficult for both of us but I am 100% willing and ready to take on responsibilty for my child just as I did with our first, but he is really pushing me to get an abortion and its hard because I need his support. With my parents saying the same thing and influencing his decision about the abortion it makes it really hard to stand my ground because I feel like I don't have anyone to back me up or support my choice and I feel like I am being backed into a corner.
    mommieme715

    Comment by mommieme715 (original poster) at 5:25 AM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • i am like you where i think abortion is a choice however not one i would make...your husband was excited until your parents convinced him otherwise which means he may not actually think you are excited...tell him how you feel and you may be surprised that he still wants this baby because he just didnt know you were not in agreement with your parents...you two are married and he knows that being married and already having a child is hard work but it just seems to me that he isnt not stepping up he is just listening to your parents and is thinking you feel this way too..tell him you want this baby and see what he says he isnt going to leave you and his children because if he was he wouldnt have stayed already even after your first child..your parents on the other hand may not be supportive at all until after you have the baby...but in any case with them if you and your husband are on the same page thats what really counts
    ahsot1230

    Answer by ahsot1230 at 9:43 AM on Mar. 3, 2011

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