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did any of your women's men just bail out emotionally after finding out?

i thought my bf was the greatest man in the world. he was so sensitive so understanding, always by my side. now that i'm pregnant, and that i don't want to have an abortion, i think he' s just emotionally checking out. he doesnt think we're ready for a baby and doesn't think we can afford it. he knows i dono't want an abortion. i hate him..how can he not love this baby?

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LittleMonster22

Asked by LittleMonster22 at 1:25 AM on Nov. 21, 2008 in Pregnancy

Level 3 (15 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • When my bf found out I was pregnant, he did not talk to me for 2 weeks. Well, he did if I talked to him, but he didn't really have much to say. He did not think we were ready, and I told him that regardless I was keeping it.

    He became receptive in stages, the first of which was hearing the heartbeat for the first time, then when I started to show and he could feel her kick, and then when we found out she was a girl, and he could tell everyone he was having a baby girl.

    Men react differently to pregnancy than women do. It is hardwired into us to be mothers...we find out we are pregnant and we accept it. Men aren't like us, it takes time. That doesn't mean that he doesnt love you or the baby, he just needs to come to terms with it on his own. No worries! Just keep him involved as much as possible, if you can, make sure he goes to all the Dr. appointments.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 1:28 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • It's scary! Men in general tend to shy away from things that surprise them. Not only is he facing a huge responsibility, but he's also forever committed to being in your life.

    How far along are you? He may just need a little time to absorb the shock...
    KatieCrandall

    Answer by KatieCrandall at 1:35 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • I know it's upsetting, but just remember - he doesn't have the benefit of carrying the baby, you have hormones that help you bond to your child even before you have met him or her. Give him time.. he's scared. Keep in mind the more you push, the more you will probably get resistance. Focus on you, focus on taking care of yourself and the baby.. let him come around when he is ready. There is no amount of fighting, screaming or threats that will make him feel what you want. He has to get there on his own. Some guys, it happens the moment they hold their child for the first time.
    Serafyna

    Answer by Serafyna at 1:49 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • is he still with you and is he going to be in the babies life?
    mckowntasha

    Answer by mckowntasha at 2:09 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • In response to the question above^^ We are still together and I guess he plans to be in the baby's life, but I don't know....Im' goign to take everyone's advice and just do what I gotta do and wait for him to start to support me. He can't come to my first dr appoitnment which kinda sucks cause I feel liek that would really help...
    LittleMonster22

    Answer by LittleMonster22 at 12:40 PM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • I've heard a lot of people say that to men, the baby isn't real in their minds until it is born. Sounds crazy to me, but I can see how it is true in some guys. I think he just sounds shocked. Give him some time to accept this huge life change, and he will probably come around.

    My boyfriend was excited when we found out about our son. We both freaked out about the cost, but there are so many ways to make it cheaper. Start preperations now and it will be easier later Buy a case of diapers every paycheck until the baby is born and you'll be set for a while! Save for a breastpump (expensive at first, but more than makes up for the cost in savings over formula...)

    Good Luck!
    risonski

    Answer by risonski at 2:50 PM on Nov. 21, 2008

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