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How can I get my 12 yr. old to stop back talking every one?

He has this thing about anytime you say anything, and I mean anything to him he has to have a comment(rude, smart mouthy or just plain disrespectful). And this has been going on a couple of years now and we have tried everything.My friends mom told me to pop him in the mouth everytime he does it, but I don't hit or slap our kids in the mouth or face for anything ever. So that is out. Any suggestions at all?

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Asked by courtrexmommas at 12:33 PM on Mar. 3, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 5 (58 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Well if hes at home send him to his room until he can stop talking back. I dont spank or strike my children and found at this age sending them to their rooms until they could apologize and stop worked. Just make sure you take any entertainment in the bedroom out before sending him in there. From there I did grounding from things they wanted to do. I would take away things they liked and they had to earn it back. For instance my son had a brand new I-Pod so I took it until he could stop back talking (lasted about a week). Good luck.

    Answer by gemgem at 12:40 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Thanks for the suggestion. I will try that and have tried simmular things. I even went as far a taking his bedroom door, I told him when he learn to berespectful then he can be respected and have his priacy back.

    Comment by courtrexmommas (original poster) at 12:45 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Sit down and talk to him about why he does it. First you need to fix the why. Then explain to him what he sounds like when he talks that way. Tell him he would like the results better when he talks differently.

    Answer by Kimkh at 12:45 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Send him to his room but make sure to take away all his gadgets, such as computer, Ipod, video games. Boys can't live with out that stuff! And every time he talks back, tell him you don't appreciate him talking to you in that way. and make him apologize. When he asks you for things say no till he can start respecting you. Good luck!

    Answer by mamaada at 12:47 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • For one I would take his bedroom door off the hinges before I would send him there. That's too easy for him, if you just send him in there without consequences he's not learning anything. This is what we did with our son when he was 12, and it worked very quickly....
    If he talks back he does a nasty chore, for instance, he washed the outside trash cans, scrubbed toilets, etc. He did these chores every time he was disrespectful, and it was over in less than 2 days. We stripped his room of all fun, and we make him leave his door open if he's in there at all times, no matter whether he's in trouble or not. He has NO privileges until he can stay on an even keel with his attitude etc. Our sons 14 now and he's been great.. We still stay on top of him if we even remotely see an attitude coming on. It works for us, good luck!

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 12:47 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • We had that talk and it did not go well, his response was "because I can and what are you gonna do ... not let me talk anymore?" I lost it, my S/O had a hard time not busting his butt right then. So we sent him to his room and he was grounded for a week.

    Comment by courtrexmommas (original poster) at 12:48 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Either he is copying another figure, something else is going on he isn't sharing with you, or he is likeing the attention he is getting. Don't forget he is moving into teenage years his friends may do the same thing.

    Answer by Kimkh at 1:05 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Welcome to puberty!! Not that it excuses the behavior. IGNORE the rudeness and do NOT do anything for him unless he speaks respectfully. Take EVERYTHING away except his bed and clothes. Teach him how to wash his clothes. No rides except to school. No friends over, no going out, no videogames.

    Also, in order to get respect you need to give respect. Look at how you talk to him and others around you (to your spouse and other kids). Do you use a snotty tone? Are you disrespectful?

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 1:26 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • My S/O and I talk respectfully to eachother and our kids. We run our own company and I work from home. I also make jewlry and the hear me deal with all our customer respectfully. I am not sure why he is doing this and I do not like it. I try to explain to him he has two younger siblings at home and they see him act this way. Our daughter wont talk to him when he acts his way she walks off and goes to her room or outside and then he asks "whats her problem?" And I tell him" it's the way your acting she doesn't like it" and our youngest son he is 6, he think it's ok so now he tries to copy him and is starting to act this way and has gotten in trouble three times in the last two weeks for his mouth in class.

    Comment by courtrexmommas (original poster) at 1:44 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Consequences. this has been going on for years and you have allowed it to haopen. Regardless as to what you have done in the past to correct his behavior, this child has got the idea that he can say whatever he wants to you. I understand that you do not smack your kids and smacking is really not an option here because #1 it will not solve the problem and #2 you have allowed this child to be disrespectful for too long. Now its time to make this child have consequences for his actions, if not, before you look around he wll be totally disrespecting you. Set some ground rules with him and have your s/o stand firm behind you. take away everything and leave him only with his bed and clothes. Sit him down and explain to him that you have made mistakes in trying to get him to understand his disrespectful ways but as of today, those mistakes are a thing of the past and then begin laying down rules to this child!

    Answer by treasured_hope at 7:18 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

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