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What do you tell 6yr old boy(father going to jail for alot of years)

Not sure what to tell my son about father going away. First of all, man is not active in his life much. Once a month will see him,if that. Is a lying drug addicted heroin addict. He is to goaway march 23,quite job,so no money to help b/c he is going away and stupid to work...yea ok you jerk...On a happier note, I just got married to a wonderful man....

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on Mar. 3, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (14)
  • Tell him daddy is going away to get better but that he can write him letters and draw him pictures.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 12:54 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Talk to him about choices and consequences. You know, when he makes a bad choice he gets punished. Well, his father made a very bad choice and is being punished by going to jail. Tell him that he can write his daddy letters and send pictures. DO NOT badmouth his father and do NOT let anyone else badmouth him in front of or around your son. Your son IS part of his father...good or bad.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:56 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Talking him (the father) down to your son just makes you a negative force. It makes it look like you need to make him look bad. When your son is old enough, his father's bad traits will show themselves just fine. Right now, just explain to your son that his father made some bad choices & mistakes. And because of that, he won't be able to see him for quite a while.
    specialwingz

    Answer by specialwingz at 12:56 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • And, I agree with the PPs. Let him write his father if he chooses and updated pics are always good. This way, the father can't say (when he gets out) that you made no effort to keep him updated about his son, making you look bad.
    specialwingz

    Answer by specialwingz at 12:58 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • If he was a prominent figure in his life, I would say talk to him about it. But, since he is not, I wouldn't mention it until your DS asks. If he does, tell him that Daddy got in trouble and he is in "time out".
    Maureen-MD

    Answer by Maureen-MD at 1:03 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • The one thing I know for sure that I would tell him is that Mommy made a very bad choice when she chose this man to be his daddy. The one thing you want him to know above all else is that none of this is in any way the fault of the child, which is what he may think if you don't take responsibility for it yourself. Then as he gets older, remind him of the bad choice that you made and use it to teach him to be careful in the decisions and choices that he makes. If you don't handle it this way, your son may very well take after his biological father. It is an excellent opportunity to teach your little boy about how important strong character is and how bad character leads to all kind of consequences, not the least of which is quite a long time in prison. His dad made a bad choice in the life he chose and Mom made a bad choice in choosing him to be a sweet little boy's daddy, and Mom for sure wants better for him than any of this
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:22 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • I think by telling him "you made a bad choice choosing him for his daddy" wouldn't be the impression you really want to give your son. Without that man, good, bad or otherwise, you wouldn't have your beautiful son. And, to indicate ANY regret (poor choice of father) willl only bleed over to your son's eventual self-esteem. Parents spend too much time putting the other down, pumping the negatives to their children. Believe me, the child doesn't NEED the negatives. When the child is older, the actions of his father will be self-evident and speak for themselves.
    specialwingz

    Answer by specialwingz at 2:18 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • I would not tell him bad things about his Dad. No kid wants to hear bad things about their Dad no matter how often they seem them. But I am one of those people that think it's okay to tell your kids "white lies" to make their life happy. I just think that with all the ugly in this world, even if the parent isn't in the picture the child should always have good thoughts about both parents no matter what. My son't Dad was worthless and quit his job then took off when our son was born because he didn't want to pay child support. My son never knew the truth about him. I told him only good things I could remember about him since I loved him once. When my son grew up and tried to talk to his Dad and he blew him off, he found on his own what kind of person he was and made his own decision not one clouded by me. Does that makes sense?
    Peajewel

    Answer by Peajewel at 7:59 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • I agree with PP's.
    ethans_momma06

    Answer by ethans_momma06 at 1:13 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • I think that a bit of honesty is fine. I would not go into detail, but just say something like "he made some mistakes and is going away for a while" or something..
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 12:59 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

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