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Help please! I am at my whitsend with my kids and Family

I know i am a young mother and wife and that i chose this life i have and i love it but i am getting very angry at my husband and my 3 year old son and his little brother. Here is why on all
My husband works from 5am to 2pm at walmart and has been diagnosed with Anxiety. Sometimes he gets the anxity attacks and he gets sweats, upset stomach, and feels sick, He has gone to a counselr for it and i go with him and our kids. But i am doing everything and he barley helps me. I cook, clean, take care of the kids, shovel the snow so he has less to do when he gets home, i babysit other kids, and get kids from school, i even make time to meet with him on his lunch break in the morning. His mom is annoying and calls for dumb reasons half the time, and when i call her she don't want to talk to me, but when her son calls she will talk to him for an hr or longer, she also talks about his ex gfs and it makes me angrier and i talk to him about it and he doesn't tell her anything and when i talk to her about it she just ignores me or says she needs to go. but anyway my husband all he does is work at work, and then comes home sits on the computer and watches our show that i never get to watch cuz i am busy doing something, and as far as kids go he only does baths and kisses them good night, he never once got up in the middle of the night when one was sick, he never makes dr appt, and i always have to ask him to change our baby or help our 3 year old with his pants.
as far as my 3 year old son he is my wild child. I am constantly punishing him and feel bad for it. So i thought of a new way and it is talk to him and tell him what i expect of him and remind him through out the day, i thought it was working but its not. he is hitting, kicking, bitting, running away in parking lots, throws his food on the floor or all over the table, puts things on top of his brother. I am firm and consistent with him, i give him 3 warnings. The first warning is Haiden please stop doing what ur doing, the second is the same as the first, but with a twist of saying Haiden please stop u only have one more warning or ur going in timeout. The third is Haiden this is last warning next time i catch u doing or saying something u shouldn't be ur in time out for 3mins. the last time he pulls it he is in timeout for 3mins and a toy taken away for 3 days.
My baby 5months old, is learning bad things from his brother, he spits at me, half the time cries even after he is fed, changed, cuddled so i just go put him to bed where he is then sleeping.
what am i doing wrong with my kids and family? i love them but i am getting so stressed out.

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Asked by at 1:56 PM on Mar. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,515 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • You are a SAHM? Sounds like your whole family is overwhelmed right now and you are setting the tone for the household. I wouldn't engage my mil in conversation at all and I would not ask my hubs about any conversation he has with his mother. I would concentrate only on the things I can control which would be my children. Good Luck

    Answer by meooma at 2:06 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Hugs! I think you need to sit your husband down and have a talk with him, tell him you are stressed out, you need his help and the kids need a hands-on dad. If your husband is into video games, why can't he get some 'kids friendly' ones (like the mario games for example) and play them with the 3 yr old? I bet the 3 yr old would love some fun time with dad, and it would give you some time away from the 3yr old. As for the kids- I have found with mine that putting up 'house rules' and sticking to them helps, as well as setting limits, being firm and consistent and having consequences for breaking rules/naughty behavior. I do think your warning system is a good idea- with mine I have a 3 strikes- 1st one is warning #1, 2nd is warning #2 and 3rd time is the consequence. The baby probably picks up on your feelings/stress and that is probably why he cries.
    You should also talk to your doctor about stress/depression as well.

    Answer by MizLee at 2:07 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • First of all, it sounds like you are doing all you can to HELP your husband but he is using his anxiety as an excuse to not help you - unless this is how he's always been and now you are just finally fed up with it - you need to talk to him and tell him you expect things to change and this is how..... then give him examples of how you NEED and deserve the help. I feel you are giving your 3 year old too many chances and warnings.. this is very much the testing age,. give him ONE warning while a short explanation of what his consequence is and/or what you expect from him - not a total of 4 chances.... try also rewarding GOOD behavior.. I have started this with my strong willed "wild child" who is also 3 and its helping also - as for the 5 month old - he's not learning bad habits... he's a baby.. I am sure you are stressed and I wish you the best of luck

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:08 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Start rewarding 3 year old for good behavior. Sounds like husband is not tuned in at home, and that may be rubbing off on son. Good luck!

    Answer by Luvnlife4 at 2:40 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

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