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2 Bumps

Help! I need a softer wall to bang my head against!

Long story short- it's been a year since my boys' father passed. A rough year to say the least. So my almost 20 y/o son finally got a job- yay! (1 step forward) But then I find out he's dating a 17 y/o girl who lives over an hour away- & she's a HS dropout! (2 steps back!) How do you handle an "adult" child who's only thinking w/ one head & it's not the one on his shoulders?! UGH?!

 
mrsmom110

Asked by mrsmom110 at 3:44 PM on Mar. 3, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 48 (281,360 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • He is an adult and you have to let him make his own mistakes and hopefully learn from those mistakes. Be there when he needs you but let him live his life.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 4:19 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • He is an adult you have to let him make his own decisions all you can do is be there to pick him up when he falls, I know its easier said than done but regardless of how you feel or what you say he will continue doing what he wants.

    ExtremlyUnique

    Answer by ExtremlyUnique at 3:50 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • I think you need to explain to him the right choices and maybe he will listen, but If he is 18+ then let him make his own mistakes. You can't be there for him 24/7... Good luck to you!
    newmom4192011

    Answer by newmom4192011 at 4:35 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • You can't fight his decisions for him, let him learn about life the hard way, there is no dealing with the head he is thinking with right now.
    older

    Answer by older at 8:10 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • You don't. At that age there is nothing you can tell him, he has to learn things on his own. Your job now is just to continue to support him as best you can (and I'm not talking about financially!) Good Luck to you both.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 10:15 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • let him make his decisions with a few alternative thoughts from you....if you are negative about the relationship, it will only make him want it more. sometimes you can tell them where the potholes are in the road but they still want to hit a few just so they can see what it feels like...we did the same thing and are still learning as we age...
    kbutts

    Answer by kbutts at 2:05 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I am sorry for your loss first and formost...whether you were still with him or divorced.
    My exhusband left me for a 17 yr old...he was 23 at the time and i was 20. The girl is a HS dropout as well and i found out shortly after he left that he had two children with her...my dd was born in June and hers in Sept. my 2nd was born in Nov. and hers in Dec. Now i find out has another kid on the way...a boy this time...sorry off subject lol this isnt about me...
    i agree with everyone that this is something your son has to learn for himself. all you can do right now is try to relax and pray that he remembers you raised him better than this.
    LadyOsgood

    Answer by LadyOsgood at 2:05 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • You need a pillow and relaxation.
    GlitteribonMom

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 7:47 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

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