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2 Bumps

I'm so over being with him after 11 years, 3 kids later...where will i go when i leave?

I have been with my SO for 11 years TODAY, its our anniversary and he has been such an ass to me. He is mean to our 3 kids, cusses, yells, screams at them and tells them that he cant stand them. My kids are 9,5,2.....how can you sit there and tell your own kids that you cant stand them . We are supposed to be getting married and tonight just 30 minutes ago he told me that he wants to sell the house and that he doenst want to marry me. So whatever i guess....Not that big of a deal. I guess my biggest thing is, is that where will i go. I have no family and friends that are going to take me in. I dont work...im a stay at home mom who babysits for extra income. I guess i really dont have a question, just venting and needing support. Im pretty upset that hes always an ass to me and my kids (thanks to his mom who is an ass to everyone too) must be heriditary or something ! I dont want any bashing....just some advice or some loving helpful comments.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:52 PM on Mar. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • For a man thats been with you for 11 years to just call something like that off isnt right. I think its best for you and your children to be together without him if he tells you and your children that! Goodluck Mama things will get better just keep your head up (:
    JayJayBugg

    Answer by JayJayBugg at 7:01 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Check with some local churches, the police, and even the womens' health center at your local hospital for some referrals for help, shelters, etc. And get some legal advice so you get half of all assets (the house, etc). Google your state name and "bar association" and search the site for pro bono (free) legal help. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:02 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • if you live in california you can get half of everything even if you are not married after 10 yrs of living with him I do not know if that is the same in every state but like elizabr said look for legal aid some have offices near the family courts and also get the child support order as soon as posible
    gou18

    Answer by gou18 at 7:12 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • It will not be easy but you will be happy and still have your self worth and dignity intact, and that of your kids. You can start putting a game plan in place so it is not like too much on you. First off~ get a JOB so you will be able to take care of yourself and the kids. Some men know this and use this(the fact that you are not working) they tend to think you are helpless(with no money) so they can say and do whatever comes into their head. You can still do the babysitting(childcare) on a larger scale. Save,save,save, Like a meniac so if you have to rent an apartment or provide for the kids you will be able to~ Don't give up hope yet~ you are stronger and smarter than you think~ :) All the best
    sanab

    Answer by sanab at 7:13 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • The ladies above gave good advice, but I wanted to send you hugs and prayers! best of luck in this situation!
    sweetstkissez22

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 7:14 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Honestly, hon, if he were treating my kids like that, I wouldn't WANT to marry him. You can definitely do it on your own- there are SO MANY women that do it on their own. It's just a matter of getting out and doing it. Stay strong for your kids, and hold your head up!
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 7:15 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Yes see if you live in a state that recognizes common law marriage. And even if your name isn't on the house you might have a fair case in court if you can show you've been co-mingling your finances and that you've been contributing to the house etc.

    Talk to a lawyer at the minimum. I'm sorry but it sounds like you are way better off and the kids too
    kayslay

    Answer by kayslay at 7:23 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • I'm sorry for you & your children. Contact agencies, shelters, womens groups and churches in your area. If they can't help they should be able to direct you to who can.

    Good luck to you.
    Onmyown2727

    Answer by Onmyown2727 at 7:25 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • i think the only difference between you and me is i married my pita (pain in the a**). i have the same issues trust me u are not alone.
    my issues are that i do have family but don't want my business on the 5 o'clock news. venting is good! you may know me but trust me i share your pain!
    pfancook

    Answer by pfancook at 8:59 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Many attorneys do free 1/2 hour or one hour consultations. I would go to one and see where you stand legally as far as the financial situation goes. Tomorrow!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:47 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

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