Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is my relaitonship falling apart?

My husband and i met while i was in school. he is 27 and i will be 22 in 3 weeks. He works from 5am to 2pm at walmart. then comes home and watch our show. He has been diagnosed with Anxiety and it seems like every other week or day he gets sick because of it, and always talks to his mom about it and me. May i add his mom has Anxiety too so when he talks to her, then she gets worked up and calls me the next day while he is at work.
I love him and our family but it seems like his anxiety is tearing us apart. I think he is using it so he can get out of helping me at home. I also tell him it's all in his head to make himself feel sick when he really is not. I do that too, i can tell myself that i am not feeling good, and my body instantly kicks in and i get a upset stomach.
Do u think it's all in his head or am i just used to all my problems from the past that i don't know how to handle his?

Answer Question
 
2boysyahoo.com

Asked by 2boysyahoo.com at 6:52 PM on Mar. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,515 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Well, anxiety issues suck! And they are not all in the head. If he has anxiety problems he needs to get help! My anxiety hurts my marriage a lot because all I ever do is worry. I go through situations over and over in my mind and constantly bring things up that happened 5 years ago or that won't happen for another year and my husband doesn't know how to deal with it, much like you are saying! And believe me, you can't just tell anxiety to go away!! Encourage him to go get some anti-anxiety medication.
    ILoveCade

    Answer by ILoveCade at 6:56 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • its really hard to have mental issues because for most part you look "ok" but your head is a mess its up to you to be patient and know that this could last a couple of years or a lifetime if you love him are you willing to live like that? or at least look for some counseling so you can learn how to help him.
    gou18

    Answer by gou18 at 7:03 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Anxiety is NOT all in your head. It feels COMPLETELY real. I have had it for 13 years, and it's definitely no piece of cake. I would give just about anything to be free of it. Just because you 'know how to handle your problems' doesn't make you better than him, just different. There are medications he can take that will make him feel better, too, but you can't make him take them if he doesn't want to. Sorry you're having a hard time, but as a person that suffers this condition as well, it sort of sounds like you need to lighten up on him and be more understanding. Totally not trying to be mean, either, just saying how I feel. Hope this gets better for you two.
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 7:05 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • he takes his med, and he goes to counsling and i go with him, but i can't take care of him, kids and other kids and me
    2boysyahoo.com

    Comment by 2boysyahoo.com (original poster) at 7:10 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • No, Anxiety is not all in your head. It probably makes it worse when you tell him it is. I'm not trying to be harsh but I know when my husband tells me something that I can't control is all in my head, it makes me angry. Maybe stop telling him that and try to put yourself in his shoes and it will start to get a little better. Maybe try and encourage him that he can do things and he will eventually get past it :o) I pray things get better and I think they will once you start to understand a little more :o)
    alyssamal

    Answer by alyssamal at 7:10 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • You shouldn't have to take care of him! But obviously what he is doing is not working or you are overreacting. Totally not blaming you or saying you are doing something wrong, but he should ask about a different medication if he is still controlled by the anxiety. I know it is rough on my husband when I get into one of my "fits" and I HATE that I do it but really can't control it sometimes. I try, very hard, but it really isn't something that can just be shut off like you said in your op.
    ILoveCade

    Answer by ILoveCade at 7:13 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Anxiety IS real and is not just in your head. It can cause sickness and depression among other things. The mind is very powerful.

    But there are two kinds of people those who use their illness as an excuse/crutch and those who refuse to let it take them over.

    There is help he can get to learn to manage the anxiety and if his is bad enough that he can't function normally and be the partner you need then he should consider medication.

    kayslay

    Answer by kayslay at 7:38 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • i think it would really benefit you to do some research on Anxiety- Anxiety is Very Real- it effects people in different ways; i have been dealing with Depression & Anxiety for a Long Time- Counseling has helped me by giving me the tools to work through a Panic Attack & Learning how to Calm Down- Maybe your Husband should look into Therapy- it will help him- It is Not All in his Head- By telling him that, you are probably making his Anxiety go over the Top!

    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 8:37 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Then his medication isn't working very well. Or, he hasn't been on it very long. I'm leaning more to it's not working well enough. He should talk with his doc about that. He may also have something other then anxiety, which needs to be addressed.

    No, I don't think your relationship is falling apart, not unless you are ready to walk away. My hubby stuck with me when he could have walked away. We didn't know each other for shit when we got married, but he stuck with me. And right now, 15 years later, we are better then we have ever been. You need to decide if you are there for the long haul or not.
    And, you have got to know that marriage is about compromise, and taking care of each other. It's not an easy thing.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 10:12 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • Having anxiety issues myself, I can assure you it's not "just in his head". Daily outings are quite overwhelming to me some days. I refuse to give in to my anxiety, even when on the verge of vomiting! I have friends who aren't able to do this, even with the aid of meds (which I do not take). Your dh (and quite possibly his mother) need to learn some coping skills when anxiety sets in. Breathing techniques, counting (I count to 40-often, it's unfortunately an ocd thing too lol). Also, mental preparation before doing certain things. And a huge thing he needs is your understanding. My dh is a social butterfly with zero anxiety, so it's quite difficult for him to understand why I'd rather have a root canal than go hang out at a get together! lol Your telling your dh it's in his head only compounds his already bad feelings.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 12:13 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN