Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

FMIL Fiance Issues

My fiancé is somewhat considered a pushover (as he would call it) as he will let people treat him any kind of way and think nothing of it. Me having the complete opposite personality, internally this bothers me a lot, because I know eventually this could affect him in the future. I was unsure of where this problem came from until I met his mother and her true personality came out. At first she was nice and always speaking so well of my fiancé then over time she began to bad mouth him. I never told him but one day he walked in on her talking about him. We ended up talking and a lot of things came out that she had been saying about me and pretty much coming out to be pure jealousy. At first her hate for me started with name calling; 'sl*t, h*e, b*tch" all the names you could think of because I have a 4 year old from a previous relationship which turned abusive. Then it went to her disrespecting my mom and sister, to calling the cops on me twice(she used to live with us). Finally, the cops had enough when I told them what was really going on, and they asked her to either calm down or find somewhere else to live. Because things didnt go her ways she packed up and left, not before calling a few more names and making threats. My fiance has a great fear of her(he calls it respect because shes his mom) and is terrified of asking her for the house key back or to get her clothes (she is still occupying the master bedroom and another bedroom in the house with clothes and odds and ends). She comes by every week like clock work unannounced raising hell cursing slamming things and going through my things trying to confiscate and hide anything thats she thinks is hers. On her last tirade she went so far to call my fiance a stupid m'fer, dumb bast*ard, and saying all kinds of other things all in front of my 4 year old son because he asked her to stop cursing and yelling. As the end of the week approaches I know she will be coming again but I'm unsure of how to deal with it. He always asks me what to do but i refuse to give him advice because I dont want to hear about it later if it goes wrong. He said he would change the locks but later he backed out. I dont know what to say or what not to say but I contribute financially to this house just like him and I feel I should have a say so on what goes on here whether its his mother or not.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:43 PM on Mar. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Change the locks and put her things in a storage unit. Tell her you will pay the first month's rent and then it is up to her. She is not allowed back until she can be respectful to you in your home.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 10:53 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • I would NOT pay for storage for her. I'd tell her that she has until (give a date) to pick up her things bc the locks will be changed after that. I'd pack them all up and have them outside on that day. Just make sure they are not out in the rain or anything destructive.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:28 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • This is very deep here is my journal:
    FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME ♥♥♥♥♥

    Men suffer from domestic violence as well. Read more to learn about male victims of domestic violence and what you can do to get help.


    The biggest myth about domestic violence is that it only happens to women. According to Dr. Robert J. Reid, 30% of all domestic violence involved a man being abused by a woman (American Journal of Preventative Medicine, May 2008). If you are a battered man or are an abusive woman, learn to recognize the signs and get help now, before it is too late.

    Men 'Fall' Too
    In the groundbreaking book Women Who Perpetuate Relationship Violence: Moving Beyond Political Correctness (Haworth Press, 2005) Fred Buttell and Michell Mohr Carney write that women use violence just as often as men do in relationships. They also note that violent women often strike the first blow in a physical confrontation and meet many of the
    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 12:27 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • He is a ABUSED CHILD "EMTIONALLY / VERBALLY"

    She is NOT HAPPY !!!!
    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 12:28 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • Please listen to me....Your fiance needs to get counseling to be able to see that it is important for him to stop letting his mom run over him and get the skills to be able to do it. I was in a similar situation with my husband and his mom. Although there's no way that nut job would be living with us or going through our stuff so there's a huge blinking red light all in itself! I had to finally tell my husband it was me or her. I was real close to making his mind up for him because he just wouldn't confront her. This woman is always going to be a holy terror in yall's life unless you just stop it. Dont' talk at him cause that's what she's done his whole life I'm sure. If he won't go to counseling alone go with him but let it be about him dealing with his mom. We had to totally cut contact from my MIL because we weren't living with her stupid rants and tyrades. PLEASE get this fixed BEFORE you get married.
    RentaMom

    Answer by RentaMom at 12:29 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • I am sure he is a great man.....

    She will be your problem .
    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 1:12 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • Call a locksmith and get the locks changed. You don't have to wait for your fiance to do it. Pack her stuff up. Tell her she needs to come within the week to pick it up or you will assume she doesn't want it and give it to good will. Send your child somewhere else for that time.
    momofkids

    Answer by momofkids at 8:22 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • I agree with the first poster, YOU have the locks changed. YOU pack up her things and put them in storage and pay the first months rent on it. Give her the key, the location and an ultimatum. If she ever behaves that way again (cursing in front of your child, bad mouthing your dh) that if she ever talks and treats you that way again that she won't be allowed to come to your home, call your home ever again. Tell your dh that he can blame it all on you, so he can be "respectful" to this woman. Please, stop her reign of terror lol, you don't want to live the rest of your life like this.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 10:18 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • Your man needs to man up and put that woman in her place. and change the fucking locks already. you should do it without his permission. obviously he isn't going to do it and if she is going thru your shit and talking shit to you then you need to change those locks. and if she tries to come into your home again call the police for tresspassing.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 2:28 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN