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What autority do step parents have?

I feel like my new husband has taken over my children and doesn't let me be a parent to my own kids. I have a boy 12, a girl 13, another girl 10, and he has a daughter age 10 that comes part time. He's obsessed with punishing them and not so much his own daughter. Then when his daughter gets into trouble and I try to be like him trying to be fair he butts in and gets all defensive and tries to take over. This is just a little bit of the story... I'm ready to pull my hair out... I'm ready to give up this relationship...I don't want to but I'm starting to feel I have to. Do i?

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Krisn4

Asked by Krisn4 at 11:17 PM on Mar. 3, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 4 (43 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • None in my opinion
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:18 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • You have to be a UNITED front no matter what the biology... My Husband and I back each other on EVERYTHING, and he's our boys stepfather. They love and respect him as much as they do me, and that's the way it should be. If you don't have it that way then you're never going to have peace in your home, the kids will know it, and then use it against you.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:20 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • My opinion, you should say how your children are punished or at least a mutual punishment. It should not be all him. I made it clear to my husband that we punish my daughter mutually. I think you need to have a talk with him about it. Always put your children first.
    tgeary

    Answer by tgeary at 11:25 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • None, if he's going to abuse the authority. I would not allow any man to become obsessed with punishing my children, even if it was their biological father. I would let him know it has to STOP or you're leaving.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 11:30 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • step parents have no official rights but a blended family must all be on the same page with discipline.  My husband and I talked at great length before we got married about his daughter and what we both expected.  We've been married 11 years and it is still hard at times but we work it out if we disagree.  His daughter will always be different than your kids.  Not that he can't or doesn't love your kids but there will forever be a difference.  I don't necessarily think that's bad because I have children in my life I put before my sd.  Yall need to schedule a time to sit down alone and discuss this.  Don't do it when either of you are mad.  It's a constant work in progress with step kids.   

    RentaMom

    Answer by RentaMom at 11:40 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • I forgot to say that I have always disciplined my SD the same as my husband.
    RentaMom

    Answer by RentaMom at 11:42 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • We have set rules but he favors his daughter. She's 10 with a cell phone. Had it when she was 8. Last year, my oldest got onto my x's cell phone plan and so I had a extra line and I gave it to my 10yr old since his daughter had one and he thinks she shouldn't have one because she doesn't talk as much as his 10yr old. I'm thinking... how does that make any sense. At this present time she cannot find it and I blame him because he was obsessed with taking my sons away every little thing he doesn't wrong
    Krisn4

    Comment by Krisn4 (original poster) at 11:47 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • I do put them first that's why we're are always arguing about it. He just focus's on the kids and not our relationship. It's weird. He's so busy trying to find out what the kids did wrong so he can punish them. I don't understand this behavior. He always seems stressed out. I told him not to focus on the kids and let me take care of it and he said... "So I'm supposed to walk through the kitchen and there is a mess being made by one of your kids and say.. nothing"? I tell him to say something about picking up after themselves but it doesnt always have to be a punishment or something taken away from them... he really just focus's mostly on my son for some reason. My son is getting so angry he is starting to talk back to him and he doesn't understand why. I told him he seems like he's harassing him for little mistakes and always taking things away and hes getn angry
    Krisn4

    Comment by Krisn4 (original poster) at 11:58 PM on Mar. 3, 2011

  • That's just not right. They all should be parented equally. If he is going to act this way, I would say to let you handle your kids and he can handle his daughter. About the kitchen question, you should have said he should have let it go so you could handle it. If he can't treat your kids fairly, I feel that this is what you should do since he can't be fair about it.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:40 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • good idea amess. But he says what kind of family will we be if I'm not involved. He said to me " just dont say anything and let them do what they want"? I dont know why he wants to take over. He tries to tell me what to do too. Like for example... When you get hone can you do some laundry"? I think to my self I don't need someone to tell me that unless they need a favor for something special to be washed and they dont have the time. I will do laundry when I have the time. you should have seen him. I didnt say anything to his note and ignored him. It killed him and i dont understand why. How did he get like this?
    Krisn4

    Comment by Krisn4 (original poster) at 12:52 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

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