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If your mother totally undermined every single thing you did with your kids would you keep sending your kids?

to visit? or for her (grandma) to watch?

See here is the issue, My sisters and I all have had to litterally freak out on my mom. She will give a 4 year old a bottle just to shut them up. She has given my son benedryl to "calm them down." I REALLY WENT APE SHIT OVER THAT ONE.

SO NOW MY MOM IS STILL GIVING MY 3 YEAR OLD NEPHEW A BOTTLE WHEN HE WAS TOTALLY BROKE OF THAT 1 YEAR AGO AT HOME. AND UNBEKNOWEST TO US ALL SHE TOLD HIM"THE 3 YEAR OLD" NOT TO TELL MOMMY IT WAS THEIR LITTLE SECRET.
MY SISTER IS LITTERALY WANTING TO THROTTLE MOM. 1 FOR ASKING HER KID TO HIDE STUFF FROM HER AND 2 FOR UNDERMINING HER PARENTING.

SO LADIES I ASK YOU HOW WOULD YOU DEAL WITH THIS?? AND YES I WANT DETAILED ANSWERS.

Answer Question
 
friends4me

Asked by friends4me at 10:31 AM on Nov. 21, 2008 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I would not Grandma watch my children,without me present.After all she is the children's Grandmother.I feel that while she may be present in their life she does not have to be an influence within their life.
    cece122704

    Answer by cece122704 at 10:41 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • Well your mom is vary old school. You have to understand. that's the way it was back then . You should be glad you haven't found out she is giving the kids a spoonful of vodka to make them sleep. People did that too. Truthfully though. If you tell her not to do these things and she keep on doing them. Don't let her watch the kids unattended. Let her come to your house to visit the kids.  Hope this helps you

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:41 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • That kind of undermining isn't safe at all!!! Its not like shes slipping your kids an extra piece of candy or something. Using a bottle at 3 and 4 years old is terrible. It can cause problems with teeth and self soothing measures. The benadryll thing is rediculous. I would NEVER let my child go back if my mother gave her benadryll to calm her down. She should've redirected the energy or let the child play so they child could run energy out. That is so bad!!! Personally I have removed my DF's mother and sister from her life because of their ways...I see nothing wrong with protecting your child.
    HeatherTurner

    Answer by HeatherTurner at 11:33 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • NOPE! My mother in law underminds every decision of mine and I speak up right in front of her and then if it doesnt change, I tell my husband that he had better mention something to his mom or we will not be going over!...........Happened one time and we didnt go over for nearly a month and they only live two miles away!
    Tricia19

    Answer by Tricia19 at 11:44 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • No. I would go to www.aarp.org and print out their brochure on how grandparent's need to back off and respect their grown children's wishes when it comes to raising grandkids. Give her a copy and point blank tell her that teaching a child to keep secrets from mom is dangerous and wrong - no matter how innocent the secret. Once she apologizes - without prompting - I would consider it again.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 11:52 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • I agree with kaycee. Its so wrong to teach a child to lie to their parents. And since it sounds like you and your sister have no problems voicing your concerns to your mom, then I would just flat out tell her that she cannot watch the kids anymore because of her behavior. Thats it. If she apologizes and seems genuinely sorry then I might consider it after awhile. But if she continued to do any of this stuff that would be the end of it.
    AliMom714

    Answer by AliMom714 at 12:37 PM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • You and your sister have every right to be concerned. However, you are an adult and your child's mother so you have a choice. Based off of the information you have currently on your mother's behaviors and actions you can either let your mother continue to have time alone with your child or you can supervise their time together. You have to do what is in the best interest of your child and also what will keep him safe. IMO your mother has exercised poor judgement in medicating (drugging) a child to get him to calm down. It seems you have all the information you need to make an informed decision. The only person you are in charge of changing their behaviors is...you. So what changes are you going to make?
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 12:43 PM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • I've had this problem with my MIL, I'll be looking up that brochure someone else mentioned! I've had to seriously limit how much time the kids spend over there. Pretty much everything I say, it seems like she does the opposite. She would give them bottles, binkies, diapers, all stuff that we had done away with. And she always feeds them fast food and pop, which my kids never get and it honestly makes them sick later on. She acts like she wants them to like her better by giving them things that I won't. I think it's crazy! So I have no problem limiting how much time they are with her!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:47 PM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • cont...IMO this isn't undermining your wishes, this is dangerous and irresponsible behaviors. Undermining would be you don't want your child to have cookies but she bakes him a fresh batch each time he comes to visit. Medicating a child is an abusive action, of course that is just from my perspective. What her choices and actions have indicated is that your mother is not able to cope well with active and upset children. So when a child cries, or whines, or is very energetic --- she has proven she doesn't have patience, she doesn't have any regard for safety, she will make inappropriate decisions inorder to pacify and make her "job" easier. It is not always easy to manage a crying toddler or active pre-schooler - but most of us wouldn't choose benedryl or bottles.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 12:50 PM on Nov. 21, 2008

  • I would talk calmly to your mother and say that you are unable to let her look after your children anymore. You are fine with her seeing them and you are fine to come over but seeing as she has abused your trust you can no longer trust her to look after your children properly...so you will have to be there whenever they come over and whenever she wants to see them. She cannot seem them alone.

    I think you should stick to that. This way you wont feel immense anger and guilt for whats happened to your children from your own mother but at the same time you are allowing your children to see their grandmother.

    I would also talk to her about the secret thing - it is irresponsible of her to teach your child to keep things from you/lie.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 1:14 PM on Nov. 21, 2008

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