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3 Bumps

why is my 6yr old daughter purposly trying to hurt my feelings and saying mean things about people?

My daughter who is 6 has in the last month or so been saying things like, I think I said a bad word and I think I said it on purpose. And if anything happens, like if she drops something, she says she did it on purpose even if I'm there and saw that it was completely by accident. Now she is saying mean things to me like I'm a bad mom and that I am ugly, and that I'm chubby. She seems to watch my face to see if she is hurting my feelings. She will also tell me she loves me then say my brain wants me to tell you I don't love you. She'll say my brain wants me to tell you something but it will hurt your feelings and you won't talk to me. I have tried telling her that I love her no matter what her brain says and that I believe that her heart loves me and thats what matters. Even though when she says those things it's like a knife in my heart and sometimes I have to leave the room and cry. She is very sweet and helpful normally.


Asked by TigerMom2023 at 7:54 AM on Mar. 4, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Hey! your daughter has been quite hurt by you unintentionally. Now you have to know the cause. Next time when she says mean things to you, give her a warm smile and say "Honey, it's okay, things do happen & I've forgiven you because you are my adorable daughter. If I've hurt you, please forgive me as well. Believe me I didn't know that I've hurt you." This would definitely work for you, if not immediately then the result would be there for sure in a couple of days.... Take care as being a mother I know sometimes we do get hurt by all this....

    Answer by AnuMeha at 8:05 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • She has discovered how she has the power to hurt, don't acknowledge it, try not to give her the reaction she is watching for.

    Answer by older at 7:58 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • She saw it somewhere and is copying the behavior. Try and figure out where she is getting it from. If she goes to school it could be from someone at school.

    Answer by gemgem at 7:57 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • my 6 year old son does the same thing...and its usually when he doesnt get his way. He ALWAYS tells me i'm being a bad mom. at first it was hurtful but i noticed he only does it when i tell him to do something he doesnt want..or he can't have junk.. I recently signed him up for karate and now when he says that crap all i have to say is "you better not talk to me that way because if i tell the instructor you may not get your next stripe on your belt"..and he says "oh, mommy..i'm just kidding."

    Answer by shay1130 at 7:59 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • honestly though..i don't think my son picked up his behavior from any other children..i think he got it from me. I'm sure i've told him "you arent being a good have to be a good boy if you want me to get you this." ..something like that..ya know. so i'm sure he is just repeating what he has heard all his life accept he is turning it on me. "you arent being a good mommy."

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:03 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • She's learned how to push your buttons and get a big reaction out of you. This gives her power...something every 6-year-old wants.

    Answer by JSD24 at 11:41 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • I don't have any good advice for you, but (hugs). I hope you can work through this with her.

    Answer by cleanaturalady at 1:24 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • She's testing her boundaries and is seeking for attention. Be firm and consistant. ((hugs))

    Answer by ethans_momma06 at 12:25 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • I think you need to let her see you have your feelings hurt, and tell her that this is not how we treat or talk to people.

    Answer by KTMOM at 12:21 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • She just wants to see what you'll tolerate. When she calls you chubby or whatever, she needs to get in trouble for being a big meanie head.

    Answer by Pnukey at 8:02 PM on Mar. 7, 2011