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2 Bumps

Dealing with Grandparents

I feel I am one of the priviledged because I have parents who adore my son. They love to see him, be around him, talk to him on the phone and spend time with him. But lately I;ve noticed that my parents have began to take their role as grandparents rather seriously. My parents, mainly my mother feels she should see my son every weekend and talk to him on the phone at least every other day and if she doesn't she says Im trying to keep her away from her grandchild. I offer to let my son spend the weekend with my parents (who are divorced) and I end up with no weekends of my own to spend with my son because they feel they should see him every other weekend. When I was younger, I NEVER saw either set of my grandparents and now my parents want my child all the time. His father and I work during the week and now want to sign him up for teeball but my parents are not hearing it, they feel it would cut into their time. I dont know what to do or how to deal with them, their becoming rather intrusive and its annoying me as time passes on. Even a week or so ago my son came down with a fever I took him to the hospital they advised me on what to do and sent us home. I became ill and my mom offered to watch him for me and ended up taking him back to the hospital without my knowledge. I ended up going myself and ran into them there. They take him to get hair cuts when I've said specifically I wanted to hold off on haircuts because I wanted his hair to be a little fuller. I didn't want him to go trick or treating (because then he would want the candy) they took him anyways. I tell them his curfew is 7pm I like him in bed by 7:30 they bring him home at 10pm or later. Is it me or are they over stepping their boundaries. BTW My son is 3 I'm 24, I've been independent since I was 19, Never depended on my parents when Its come to raising or providing for my son.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:46 AM on Mar. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • It sounds like both sides are pretty controlling. I would guess that your mom was controlling of you when you were little.

    But, in the end, you are the parents and you get final say.

    I'd just like to say that be grateful that you have such a support system. A lot of people don't and have no free time at all.

    Answer by adnilm at 11:49 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • It's time to set Mom and Dad down and set some ground rules. Have them written down. Do not allow them to make you feel guuilty or run roughshod over you. If you choose to let grandparents see him 2 weekends a month that is fine. THEY can take turns if they can't spend time with him together. It isn't you, or or childs fault they are not together. If you want your child in Teeball put him in. I would also make it clear they will NOT take him anywhere without your expressed permission. If they can't abide..curtail their time with him. If they can't respect your rules/guidelines as his parent then they don't need much time with him.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 11:53 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • Yea Im grateful but at the same time when I needed them as a support system (when I was a single parent for 3 years they were never around and I would have to pay someone to watch him on the weekends so I could work. This has started mainly because I am getting married (he is not my sons biological father ) and my parents feel threatened by my fiance and sons closeness

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:55 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • That's too bad. I'd definitely go with my gut on this one. It sounds like a potentially bad situation. I wish you luck

    Answer by adnilm at 11:59 AM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • maybe make a set schedual, like one weekend a month with your mom and one with your dad, the other two he's at home. you could also invite them to t-ball practice and games, help them feel included. making everyother sunday night family dinner with alternating parent's at your house may help them feel less threatened as well. If it comes down to it, I would tell my mom that if she doesn't respect my wishes as far as hair cutting and hospital visits go, i wouldn't be able to let her watch my son anymore. GL. ps. I would also have a conversation that started with "I know you love ds soo much, and I am so grateful that he has you in his life, but there are some boundries we need to talk about. I'm not trying to keep you from him but..."

    Answer by gypsymama532 at 12:02 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • I think things are getting out of control here and it's time for you to set some boundaries. I would sit your parents down and tell them how much you appreciate all of their help, how glad you are that they are so close with your son and how you want that to continue, but that you are now more independent as a mother and that you need to set some boundaries. When you make a rule, about hair cuts or curfew, it needs to be respected. Taking your child to the hospital without telling you is crazy. They may have been a big help to you, and if you are young your parents may feel you needed their guidance, but you are the mother and this is getting out of hand. They will get upset and feel their time is threatened, remind them you still want them involved and give them time to get used to the new boundaries. It will be tough but you need to be firm about your stance, but you don't need to be mean or ungrateful. Good luck.

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:03 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • my parents refuse to come to my house. I live 2 minutes from my mom and she refuses to come and the two times she has come she wont even get out the car and come inside. My dad has never came. They've been invited numerous times however.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:04 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • I can off a bit of a 'flip side ' to this question. I had the same kind of situation with my niece. In my case, her mom wasn't too into the mom thing when niece was born. Long story.
    when niece got to be around the age of your son, mom couldn't care for her for a while, so I did.
    one day mom decided that she was failing as a mom, and then the mess started, telling me to back away.

    But I can tell you that I would never have taken her for a haircut after I was told no, & would never have kept her out so long past her bedtime. but if she was left in my care and I thought she needed medical attention, yes I would take her.
    Not sure why your mother did, but that's what I would do.

    If you want to do things like have him go to teeball, that's up to you. But, as someone who has been in a position like your mother is, Please decide what you want and be clear about it. cont

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • yup, overstepping boundaries. They had their chance with their kids. They need to respect this is your child. I bet they didn't like grandparents telling them what to do

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:09 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • cont-
    my sil was not clear and it was a nightmare. She's say something was fine, then someone would criticize her and then I'd get these ridiculous emails giving me the what for.

    I would take some time to think about it, decide when your parents can see your son and when they can't. Please keep in mind that he's formed a bond with them, and if there's a drastic change in how much he sees them, it will be hard on him, not just them.
    I hope you can figure out something that works for everyone.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:11 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

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