Questions in: Adoption

Would you make a suggestion to the hospital?

Would you be offended by the following situation? What would you do?

My son is adopted and he is a different ethnicity than my husband and myself. Earlier this week my son and I went to the hospital because we needed some blood work drawn up for some genetic testing on my child. When we were checked in to the lab the person taking our intial information and she said so I'm guessing you are not mom. I replied simply, "I'm his mother." No offense taken at that point. She then said, so he's a foster child. I said no. Then she said, well he was a foster child then. Again, I replied no. She gave me a nasty look as if I was trying to be difficult. I explained that it was a private adoption through an attorney (most people assume if a child is black and adopted that it could only be a fost/adopt situation.

Asked at 12:23 PM on Nov. 21, 2008 by: frogdawg

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Answers (44)
Answered at 12:26 PM on Nov. 21, 2008 by: sbastille

I would be offended. A simple "are you his legal guardian?" would have been acceptable. if it was a white child with a white woman she wouldn't have even asked.
Answered at 12:26 PM on Nov. 21, 2008 by: Anonymous

I WOULD THAT WAS NOT RIGHT OR HER TO ASK YOU AL;L THAT I WOULD EMAIL AND GO AND MAKE A COMPLAINT !
Answered at 12:26 PM on Nov. 21, 2008 by: frogdawg

cont..Then the woman had to enter my information and relationship to my child as the responsible party for the bill. The computer data base had only three selections: foster parent, biological parent, or step parent. I reminded her that he is not a foster child and has never been in foster care so that is not the correct box to check. She was annoyed. So eventually she settled on "other."

I am thinking about calling the hospital and asking them to update their selections for that question. Would you?
Answered at 12:27 PM on Nov. 21, 2008 by: briezysmommy

I would write a complain to their health board. I've encountered so many rude nurses at hospitals. When I went in for my labor I told the nurse I didn't want an epidural and not to even bring it up. She said, "Oh honey, you will be BEGGING for it." She proceded to ask me if I wanted it every time she checked me. I didn't want one and didn't get one. But I couldn't believe she said that. I complained to the hospital board and she was written up for it. If more people would complain then maybe there wouldn't be so many nasty know-it-all nurses in hospitals.
Answered at 12:33 PM on Nov. 21, 2008 by: Anonymous

i would write a suggestion to the hospital but as for getting upset over her asking abut the child you better just get over that one becuz its going to happen more and more. A friend of mine married a black man and had two little girls with him whenever she takes them anywhere they assume shes not mom or is the foster parents or adopted and she is the biological mother so its going to happen for whatever reason people dont connect the two
Answered at 12:33 PM on Nov. 21, 2008 by: Anonymous

It's not her business where your child originated from. The selections should probably be more like "parent" "guradian" "other". You are his parent now regradless. Why is it important to note if they are a foster child anyhow as long as you are responsiable for the bill?
Answered at 12:42 PM on Nov. 21, 2008 by: JDanesMommy

I can see the initial question.. some people do speak without thinking sometimes, so this person saying, "so I'm guessing you are not mom" , is like, okay, I'll correct them and move on. But to keep asking question after question is just flat out rude. Kudos to you for not losing your cool, because some people would not have been so nice about the pressing questions. I'd be pissed and file a complaint or drop a note in a suggestion box or something.

I had a friend whose DH was asian (can't remember specifically what), and she was white. Her children looked completely asian. An older woman in a store approached her and said, "Oh, she's beautiful" and then whispered to the mom, "She must be adopted?". Like WTF lady??? Some people are just rude and don't even know it.
Answered at 12:57 PM on Nov. 21, 2008 by: Anonymous

all you had to do was say, no he's adopted. how hard would tat have been than you make him run around and ask you 50 questions. you are the childs "mother" but not biological and that was what he was getting at. sounds like you were the one not being cordial about it
Answered at 1:02 PM on Nov. 21, 2008 by: SMWOODS

all fairness to her, she was just doing her job. if you are having genetic testing on the baby the assumption would be he is a foster child, but I agree with anon, you could have just said he is adopted
Answered at 1:11 PM on Nov. 21, 2008 by: matthewscandi

I think I would make a complaint. It was really none of her business to be asking questions like that. Some people just need to think before they speak. You shouldn't have to explain to every person you come in contact with that YOUR child is adopted and they certainly shouldn't be asking or assuming anything.