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Sorta thinking I've got a right to my opinion

I've always been the one who does all the mom stuff from working full time, paying the bills, setting up retirement plans, and being the best wife I can be. I quit working about 5 years ago to take care of some family obligations and have sort of lost my sense of personal direction. I am working on a new career and presently putting in resume's every place I can within the field of my study. My husband has an extremely stressful job and got an offer but he would have to take a cut in pay to take it. His words to me were, "if you were working I'd feel like I could take that job." I love him and definitely want to support him but I really want to stay on course to get a job in my field rather than take the first one I can get. We won't starve if he takes the job but it will be a noticeable change. I really want this for myself for once. I always give to what everyone else wants of me. Do you think I'm wrong for looking at this and saying in a nutshell, "I want this for me and someone else is free to figure some things out besides putting it on me all the time."? I'm not trying to be sarcastic....I'm just tired of always putting myself last.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:47 PM on Mar. 4, 2011 in Money & Work

Answers (7)
  • When I attempted this with my family I gained the label of selfish mom/wife. All I wanted was a career. I was not neglecting anyone or any of my other responsibilities. I wanted a career I was happy with. You can't win anymore in this society. Funny part was the same people who called me selfish for looking for a career called me lazy while I was a SAHM.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • None of my family is guilting me. I'm guilting myself. lol My husband would NEVER call me selfish for wanting to do this for myself. I just know the difference it would make for him to be able to tell his boss to go suck an egg.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:56 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • You are not wrong in any aspect, and I completely understand where you are coming from. As women/moms, we need to be more "selfish". I don't mean it in the literal sense but we need to focus on our needs. I think our families expect too much of us, and expect us to do it all. No wonder we sometimes lose ourselves; not hard to do when you're constantly being pecked to death by the demands of everyone else. I say go for it!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • My husband didn't either, but his family sure had a lot to say.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • If you can make it on what the new job will bring in, the have your husband take it and contiune to look for the job you want. There are not much out there, so getting one in your field would be amazing!! Temporary sacrifices are ok.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 3:05 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • If he really wants to take the job, make sacrifices, cut back and do what you can on the new income. In the mean time continue busting your booty to find the job you want. And honestly is there something wrong with taking a job in the mean time? No one said you had to make a job your career, it has been my experience that it is easier to get a job when you already have one! Just a thought! But I would think if you could make it on his income let him take the job he wants, that way in the long run both of you end up happy and neither feels like they missed out on an opportunity!

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 8:27 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • If I were you, I would take any job, so my spouse could be happier, and continue to look for a career position

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:46 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

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