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2 Bumps

He wants me to have his baby

I am with a wonderful man who is kind, caring and truly loves me and my 3 year old dd. We have been together for 2 years and are engaged. He is usually great with my dd, we live together and you really can't tell she isn't his by the way he acts. The only problem is, sometimes he gets a little moody, for no apparent reason. I have asked him a hundred times and he always denies it but yesterday, he finally told me. He said it is hard for him that I had another man's baby (who isn't even around) but I haven't had his baby. We agreed before to wait till we get married but now he is saying he wants to start trying now. I reminded him about how we planned on waiting and he said "you didn't wait to have your ex's baby". BTW me and my ex were NOT trying, it was only one time and that was it. I think he might be jealous of me having another man's baby but I don't know what to do. Should I give in or is he being unreasonable. We are planning on having a baby within a year so it's not like I would be using this baby to fix my relationship.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:24 PM on Mar. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • You need to do what is right for you. You shouldn't have to have his baby right now just because you have one with your ex. That's not a reason to bring another baby into the world. Don't have another baby until you are totally ready to have one.
    mandyxoxo

    Answer by mandyxoxo at 4:26 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • he is being totally unreasonable. he has been in your daughter's life since she was a year old. he should not even view her as "someone else's baby" if he's been her father figure for 2 years now. id seriously put off having his baby until his attitude about this changes. my husband and i did not create my oldest together but he's been her father figure since she was 6 months old and he is never jealous of her bio-father.. who isn't around either btw. he has no reason to be, since she IS his daughter in every way that counts. it should be the same way with your SO.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 4:27 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • He is being unreasonable. He knew that you were not a virgin when you met. He knew that you already had a child.

    You agreed to have a baby once you were married. If he is so adamant about it, tell him to start making the wedding plans for next month.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 4:27 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • His attitude should raise a red flag with you. Reading this made me feel like he's trying to control you. If he truly feels like your DD is like his own,who her bio dad is shouldn't matter.
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 4:28 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • wait til you get married. if your engaged just speed up the process. yes i think that he is being unreasonable to ask you to have a baby out of wedlock but i'm considered prude. your having a baby with another man was a mistake but you don't have to have it be a mistake with your fiance. besides it sounds as if your not ready to have a baby just yet anyway. i would want more security but that's me. i'm an old traditional girl.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 4:28 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • jademom07 I like that idea. I want a baby too, I just want to be married first
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:29 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • Wow. If he has been in your DD life that long I see no reason why he should view her as anything BUT his child. He is the only father she knows?
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 4:30 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • I would stick to the "no baby until we are married" policy. If he doesn't want to do it that way, then it could be a sign that this is not a match. This is what he agreed to, and now he wants to change the policy. What else might he be wanting to change? I see this as a red flag, and I do not think you should give in to his demands.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:30 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • Don't ever give in to someone else when it comes to having children. This is something you should do when both of you are ready.
    kayslay

    Answer by kayslay at 4:30 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • I don't understand his change of mind all of a sudden. He's been her father for a good long time now. Just because he wasn't the donor
    doesn't make him any less. Do what you feel is right. If you want to wait til you are married then by all means do so.
    stitchintime

    Answer by stitchintime at 4:34 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

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