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5 Bumps

Is it wrong of me...

Okay I have to ask because personally I think I'm going to do the right thing but then again I feel bad. My father is an alcoholic and I told him that if he didn't straighten up that I'm not going to bring my daughter around when she is born and I've told him this a lot of times and he always acts like he doesn't care. I feel bad because I was planning on living with my parents after she was born so I could get some help from my mom since my bf works all the time. So if I don't let him see her then my mom and sister wont see her either because he lives in the house also... The only reason I am asking on here is because I don't really have anyone else to talk too me and my mom talk about it all the time and my father and I always get into fights about it and then my mom gets into it with him about it also and yet nothing changes. Idk what to do anymore.. So any advice? I could really use it at a time like this...

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jaydensmommy427

Asked by jaydensmommy427 at 11:24 PM on Mar. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Level 10 (459 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I gave you a bump. I hope someone can help you with your situation who has been in your shoes. So sorry you're dad won't change.
    sweetpea1217

    Answer by sweetpea1217 at 11:29 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • I'm sorry your dad's addiction is more important than his family. I'm not sure what to tell you except maybe have your mom and sister come over to your BF's house and see the little one there. Other than that I'm not sure what else I can tell you. I'm so sorry and again I'm sorry your dad's addiction is so bad. Good luck and I hope things work out for you and your little one.
    Bird16_J

    Answer by Bird16_J at 11:31 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • If I were you I would not allow my child to be around an ancoholic, nomater who it was. The welfare of my child comes first. It sounds like you grew up around an alcoholic and know exactlly how bad that can be so I don't need to tell you why that is harmful to a child. Do you work or have a way to support yourself so that you do not have to depend on your family? Good luck to you. Not talking your child around an alocoholic is a very good one.
    briansmom123

    Answer by briansmom123 at 11:50 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • My dad is an alcoholic (both of my parents were, among other things) and I think the first thing to realize is that his addiction has absolutely NOTHING to do with you.  Period.  While you feel like he is choosing his alcohol over you, that is simply not the case, in my opinion.  You can't force anyone to stop their addictions.  In saying that it has nothing to do with you, I am not saying that it shouldn't hurt you or that you aren't affected.  What I am saying is that his decisions are his own, as are yours.  Either learn to deal with his drinking, or don't.  You figure out what YOU are willing to deal with and what you aren't.  Offering ultimatiums isn't going to magically stop him from drinking.  Say to yourself "okay, he isn't going to stop so what are MY choices". 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 11:52 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • I don't know if this helped or not but this is how I deal with it myself.  Hopefully it helped some.  :)  I still take my children to go see my dad, even when he's drunk.  He isn't a violent drunk anymore and I see no harm.  I can only take him in small doses though. 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 11:54 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • Sorry i myself can not help you on this one. MY personal opinion, find ways for the rest of your family to see the baby, even if your mom could come stay with you a night or two.
    2aremine

    Answer by 2aremine at 11:58 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • I would tell your mom and your sister that they can come and visit you anytime they want. If he refuses to change there is not much you can do about that. If you move in with them, it's like you are telling your father that it is okay. If I were you, I wouldn't move in with them and tell you mom and your sister to come visit you anytime they want to. Or, you could meet somewhere in public.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:26 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I would have them come visit or stay but my sister is still in school and my mom works dull time and my before and I live two hours away..
    jaydensmommy427

    Comment by jaydensmommy427 (original poster) at 1:15 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I know it's hard but you have to take a stand for what you beleieve and want for your immediate family. Have to tell you thought this might cause a wedge between you and your mom and dad if you don't bring them over and also by you not bring the baby over, your dad isn't going to stop drinking.
    Its hard for an alcoholic to stop and admit he has a problem so he might drink more to either hide his pain from not seeing the baby or from being mad at you then your mom will get mad at you. So what you can do is have them come to your houes and tell you father he is welcome too as long as he is totally sober and if he doesn't want to respect your request you shouldn't feel guilty. If he loves you and the baby then he will stay sober enough to see his grandchild....good luck honey
    dusty1962

    Answer by dusty1962 at 4:57 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I can't help but to say that your child doesn't need to live in a home with an alcoholic. If he won't change and no one else is making him, then you and baby need to be elsewhere. Goodluck!
    tirelessefforts

    Answer by tirelessefforts at 7:32 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

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