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How upset would you be if someone else told your kids they were adopted???

My mother couldnt have any more children after me so when I turned 15 she started adopting...some came as emergency placements that she eventually fell in love with, some had siblings that needed to be adopted also and by the time she was done I had 6 new siblings. My dad is a Correctional Officer and my mom is a SAHM...they arent getting any financial assistance for the children (that was for anyone who might think my mother and father were doing this for nefarious purposes)
Anyways my mom has this friend whom I have never liked (long story) who recently decided to divulge to the children that they were all adopted, my mom hit the roof! and I don't blame her...I don't think it was her place to tell them that, they didnt know yet....
How would you have handled this situation? Would you be upset? Do you think she was right to tell my brothers and sister?

 
Lucky209

Asked by Lucky209 at 11:40 PM on Mar. 4, 2011 in Adoption

Level 28 (35,060 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (33)
  • I think that she was WAY out of line and should be ashamed of herself!  That was NOT her place and she would no longer be a "friend" of mine. 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 11:47 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • Yes, I would be upset. If she was really a friend, she would NOT have taken it upon herself to tell your siblings that they were adopted. I would NOT be talking to her anymore.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:49 PM on Mar. 4, 2011

  • Can you imagine what it would feel like to learn everyone BUT you knew the story, and kept it from you?

    Please check out Ron Morgans Late Discovery Adoptee website. At this point it's not just about your mom and dads feelings anymore. It affects the kids too
    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 4:43 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I do have to wonder as an adoptive mother, how old your siblings are and why they didn't already know their story.
    My dd is 5 and has known from day one. We adopted her at 17 months and she will celebrate 4 yrs with us on April 3.
    It was not her place to divulge any information to your siblings. However, your parents are just as wrong for not divulging this information to your siblings. Period. There is already a lot of grief and loss in adoption and to find out that you have not been told your life history is a horrible blow to add to that grief.
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 8:26 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I wouldn't be upset at all because mine would already know. That woman was well out of line for telling them; almost as out of line as your mother for not telling them. They needed to know the truth.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 10:49 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • How old were the kids? Old enough to understand?
    What was your mom waiting for, to tell them?

    The info should have come from your mother and father. I agree. But if I were one of these kids - after dealing with feelings of being lied to, I think I'd eventually come to be at least a little thankful that (someone) was brave enough to tell me the truth.
    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 4:27 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • it wasn't her place. however,don't you think your siblings deserve to know the truth? family secrets are toxic IMO
    chickensmommy

    Answer by chickensmommy at 4:58 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • As a child, my best friend found out from her brother that she was adopted. I remember how hurt she was - the hurt has NEVER healed. She found out when we were in 4th grade. We will both turn 40 this year. The fact that her parents allowed her to live a lie - to lie to her - to create a life that was just based on lies has been something that she has never been able to overcome.

    Thank GOD that I carry that horror in my heart and my children will NEVER have to "find out". My children are adopted via foster care but their stories are THEIR stories - I talk to my biodaughter about my pregnancy - and her birth - so WHY shouldn't I talk to my other children about their stories.

    I hope your siblings heal. And that your parents know they were wrong for lying to them. Aside from the rights or wrongs of the situation - the friend WAY out of line - and really not much of a friend unless she thought they knew.
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 8:36 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I agree that it is up to the parents to tell them. But I also think it should be done at a very early age so that they "always" know and it is just a part of life. I am adopted and that is how it was in my family. It would have been harder for me to find out later in life.
    confused969

    Answer by confused969 at 8:28 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • If I adopted a child it would never be a secret, so they would already know. However, your mom's friend was WAY out of line on this and I don't know that I would still be friends with the woman after that.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:51 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

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