Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

How can I Help my ex husbands Daughter? adult content

I talked to her briefly online tonight. but my IM was acting up. She said she would call me tomorrow. She's very upset right now. and doesn't want to talk on the phone. I told her to stay strong and try to get some sleep and we would talk tomorrow. I wish i could have taken her with me when i left that ass of a father of hers, she seems so unhappy. but she's not my daughter she's his. His son is the golden boy and i get the impression his daughter is just his house maid. He's never really seemed abusive, just not there for her, and very self absorbed. I've been trying since the divorce to keep my distance. I talk to her from time to time but try not get too involved because after all he is her father and she is a teen girl, you know how dramatic they can be. Not sure what is truth and what is dramatized. since i don't talk to the ex at all i can't get his side.
Tonight she IM'd me that "she can't handle it anymore. she attempted suicide her freshman year.but her dad said she was only doing it to embarrasse him. she tried councelling last year and it blew up in her face and was 5x worse at home. she hardly sleeps anymore, is always angry and sad. she can't wait to turn 18 and be rid of her dad and her brother. they spend all the money on drugs and won't help her with school supplies clothes, rides to work, nothing! she hates them and hates being their slave anymore."
How can I help? how much can i help without crossing the line?

Answer Question
 
jstme774

Asked by jstme774 at 12:57 AM on Mar. 5, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 3 (14 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Where is her biological mom?
    How old is she exactly? Is there any way she can fight to be emancipated from him?
    Laila-May

    Answer by Laila-May at 1:17 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • A child becoming emancipated is too hard,and besides she will have to demonstrate an ability to support herself financially. Legally there really isn't anything to do, expect talk to the asshole and she if he would be willing to let her come and live with u...make it seem like it was his idea or something. Tell him how it would left the "terrible burden" from him. Kinda like the reverse psychology thing. gl
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 3:55 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • she is 17, works hard in school about to graduate early from highschool has dreams of becoming a lawyer someday. And a really sweet personality. I'm worried about her.( Her biological mother ran out on her at 10 months of age) I hate to have to even see that ass of a father of hers again, Last time I confronted him about allowing her to come live with me he was all in my face about she is his and I have no rights to her. and how dare i imply he can't take care of his own. ( i just think he doesn't want to lose a maid.)
    jstme774

    Comment by jstme774 (original poster) at 7:31 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Can you offer to just take her sometimes? Maybe getting her away from her father awhile may be helpful. Just because the two of you are no longer together does not mean you should not be able to still be a part of your step child's life. It is apparent she is reaching out to you for help. I wish I could give more advice this is a rough situation. I think for right now being there and supporting her is what she needs the most. If she continues to reach out for help then I think you need to step in. If you fear for her hurting herself , or simply getting more depressed her safety and well being has to be the top priority.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 8:12 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • The father spends money on drugs, thinks her suicide attempt was to embarrass him, he gives her nothing for school, etc? Check in your state if she can legally leave. Some states allow a child to leave at 17. If she can, would you be willing to take her in? She needs someone to pay attention to her before her suicide attempt becomes reality. Be there for her, she needs it. When does she turn 18? Can she make it until then and then come live with you? She sounds like a smart girl and just needs someone to care about her and spend time with her. Be that person, that mentor, that safe place she knows she can come to. You could be saving her life.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:55 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • she doesn't turn 18 til november. I'm going over to pick her up and we're going to spend the day together and talk. maybe we can work something out. Everyone in my family says I should not get too close. that it would be healthier for me emotionally if I should distance myself from the whole situation. I can't just ignore this. she needs me. I think what would God think of me if I turned my back on her
    . even if she isn't my biological child I helped raise her for 5 years. I care about her.
    jstme774

    Comment by jstme774 (original poster) at 1:27 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I would tell her that you're always there to listen, and that your door is open if she needs a place to stay. While I don't know the LAW about the situation, I think at 17 she can make a choice about staying with her druggie dad or leaving home. If he calls the cops, she can always talk to the cops about the situation herself and ask what they would recommend she do- go home or stay with you?

    alionline

    Answer by alionline at 11:42 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN