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My 3 1/2 year old son refuses to potty train. HELP!

Our 3 1/2 yr old is in what I call pre-preschool 5 days a week for 2 1/2 hours. The school doesassist in the potty training process with the kids, if you ask for their help. They place them in intervals on the potty and my son doesnt throw a fit or refuse to let them put him on the potty. My parents (who provide us with child care while my husband and I work - F/T) and allows them to put him on the 'Big Boy Potty' as well. BUT when it comes to me, he throws a huge fit. Crying, throwing himself on the floor at even the mention of me putting him on the potty.

I don't want to tramautize him by forcing him onto the potty, or holding him on the potty and making him sit there. So, what do I do? We are looking at sending him to a preschool in the Fall of 2011 where he HAS to be potty trained or he can't go or you have to pay a 'transition fee' to the school and they will do what his school is doing now to help us. And we, in no way, can afford to pay that much.

PLEASE I ANY SUGGESTIONS? I starting to think that there's NO WAY he's gonna be able to go to preschool in the fall.

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momneedstimeout

Asked by momneedstimeout at 8:07 AM on Mar. 5, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 5 (83 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • You're probably not going to like what I have to say, BUT, potty training is one of the biggest areas where children can exert some power or control over the situation. Because you and your husband work so much, and your son is being potty trained by the preschool and your parents, I think your son is simply looking for your attention and to exert some control over the situation. He likely senses your frustration, so he is expressing his frustration (maybe anger) with you.

    Boys DO take longer to train, and you have to be CONSISTENT. Both of my boys have autism, so training them was harder, which meant not doing ANYTHING else but focusing 100% on training for ONE FULL WEEK, and by the end of that week, they were day AND night trained--they were almost 4, and never looked back. Have you considered taking a "vacation week," so you can focus and provide the consistency he needs? If you do, I think it will pay off! :o)
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 8:30 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Your son just may not be ready. My oldest who is 26 now was totally potty trained by 20 months. My youngest......wouldnt even attempt to sit on the potty until 3 1/2. I thought for sure she would go to kindergarten with pull ups. I dont force and I dont believe in letting kids walk around wet to teach them a lesson. When my youngest was ready......she finally did it.

    My grandson did not like sitting on the potty to urinate. We got him a stool put some cheerios in the regular toilet and he stood on the stool and tried hitting the cheerios. For bowel movements we had a smaller toilet seat that went over the adults seat that was padded he had a few special toys that he could only play with while sitting on the toilet. We also got a bunch of dollar store stuff, little cars and "guys" balloons things like that and at the end of the day if he went potty he got a prize. Took about a month but he finally got it.
    mistynights234

    Answer by mistynights234 at 8:38 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Let your husband do it. He do not have to be the bad guy all he has to do is allow him to see what he do when he goes to the bathroom. This worked wonders for me but not all. Do know that he will do it on his own in a few months. He will use the big boys potty very soon. Good Luck.
    dubewife

    Answer by dubewife at 10:54 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • We had the same problem when my son started Pre K I felt the same thinking he would refuse if we forced him. We set a timer and put him on the potty every time it went off and tried rewards and praising and even the cheerios when my husband showed him how to aim for the cheerios my sonbut none of it seemed to work. Just when we were at our wits end thinking he would not be able to go to Pre K because he would potty train he started almost on his own. One day he was outside playing with our dog I looked outside and He and the dog were both peeing on the bush.While it was kinda funny I thought to myself now I know he knows when he has to go but he still refused. One night he stayed with cousins one is 3 months older and the other is 7and he started to copy them.He saw them stop playing and get up to bathroom and The more time he spent with his cousins and saw them going to the potty he started to go also.
    Lisa F.

    Answer by Lisa F. at 11:30 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I HAD THAT PROBLEM WITH MY SON THAT IS 9 RIGHT NOW AND IT IS VERY HARD WITHOUT THE FATHER BUT YOU CAN DO IT...JUST HAVE ALOT OF PATIENCE AND REMIND HIM THAT HE WONT BE ABLE TO GO TO SCHOOL AND GET ALL THE FRIENDS AND FUN IF HE DONT GO POTTY IN THE BATHRROM...AND TRY PUTTING HIM ON THE POTTY ABOUT HALF HOUR AFTER HE EATS AND MAYBE HE WILL GO BUT JUST REMEMBER THAT THEY WILL GO WHEN THEY ARE READY...I KNOW ITS HARD BUT BE STRONG AND TRY NOT TO SHOW YOUR FRUSTRATION...AND WHEN HE GOES LET HIM KNOW THAT HE WILL GET A REWARD EVERYTIME HE DOES THE BIG BOY THING...GOOD LUCK
    lena695

    Answer by lena695 at 3:44 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • The BIGGEST problem right now is just getting him to the bathroom. He refuses to go upstairs when i tell him it's time to try to go potty. So, do i carry him upstairs while he's crying, kicking, and screaming or?
    momneedstimeout

    Comment by momneedstimeout (original poster) at 5:47 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Also remember that children will listen to outsiders before they listen to you. They know we will brush it off and not be pushy with them. I have spoken to my friend who is a child psychologist she recommends that you get everyone involved. Have his pre K teacher and your parents tell your son he has to do the same for mommy and daddy. for the most part rest assure he will potty train.
    dubewife

    Answer by dubewife at 2:42 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

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