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What is the best advice an adoptee can give to adoptive parents?

I was just curios from adoptees what they feel is most important for adoptive parents to know.

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Kellyjude1

Asked by Kellyjude1 at 9:58 AM on Mar. 5, 2011 in Adoption

Level 18 (5,475 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I dont have enough characters to paste it but, here is a link to an article on the adoptee support site chosen babies, run by and for adoptees. It's called "recommendations to Adoptive Parents:
    http://chosen-babies.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=44&Itemid=54
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 10:53 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • No one else huh? Well how about picking up the book "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew" by Sherrie Eldridge
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 4:55 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • I enjoyed the book mentioned above, I wish they would reissue it with some more current data. Since it is more than 10 years old, I would love to see a follow up to add more current statements and discussion. Open adoption is still such a relatively new situation, I look forward to hearing what the next generation of adoptions can tell us.
    SandalsKitty

    Answer by SandalsKitty at 9:23 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • " I look forward to hearing what the next generation of adoptions can tell us."

    Oh I know, me too. I really, really, really, hope that open adoption avoids the issues many of the adoptees from closed adoptions had.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:23 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • --Acknowledge differences between adoptive families and biological families. When you deny the difference in adoption, you deny the adoptee their reality.

    --Advocate for their rights to their roots and their identifying information. Preserve ties with their natural family if possible. Keep the lines of communication open.

    --Allow the adoptee freedom to feel and use their growing ability in their cognitive as well as psycho-social stage of development as they grow to talk about adoption, being adopted, and how it makes them feel without being afraid they will hurt someone's feelings. How they feel at one stage may change at another stage and too often I think parents meet this with surprise and disbelief, rather than compassion and understanding.

    --Listen to adoptees. For who else can tell you what living an adopted life is like?
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 9:51 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • --The cliches are no substitute for truth. The common adoption cliches also complicate the adoption paradoxes. The cliches stop making sense as the adoptee grows and gains life experience and wisdom. They need something more substantial to hold on to than over-simplified statements that promote the wonders of adoption but negate feelings of loss or difference.

    --Please read. I always ask people to read books by adoption authors. Lifton, Verrier, Pannor, Baran, Sorosky, Brodzinsky, Schechter, Kirk, Wegar, Pavo, Russell...to name a few. "Adoption Wisdom" by Marlou Russell is a recently published book that is a good intro to a wide spectrum of topics and a realistic view of adoption, inclusive of adoptee experience and those others of the adoption constellation, that isn't as overwhelming as some of the other authors.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 10:00 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • " I look forward to hearing what the next generation of adoptions can tell us."

    Oh I know, me too. I really, really, really, hope that open adoption avoids the issues many of the adoptees from closed adoptions had.
    ------

    Things in adoption are not all that different now as they were way back when. In fact, openness (not all adoptions are open) may have lead the adoption community to believe all of the difficulties in adoption have been solved. In the closed era, difficulties were denied because no one could imagine how their would be any. Either era, I see the theme of denial of difficulties for adoptees and I am hoping this will change.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 10:07 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I'm an adoptee. My parents took me home from the hospital when i was 23 hours old and my adoption was final May 5, 1987.

    The main thing I would suggest is to ALWAYS be honest with the child that he/she is adopted. There is no "right age" to tell them. Ever since I can remember I have known I was adopted and I wouldn't want to have had the knowledge witheld from me for any reason.
    liz.1986

    Answer by liz.1986 at 1:16 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

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