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What do you feel is important as a birthmom that an adoptive parent should know?

I am an adoptive mom, and think all sides of adoption is important to grow and learn from each other. I was just curious as to what you feel is important as a birthmom that you would want adoptive parents to know.

Answer Question
 
Kellyjude1

Asked by Kellyjude1 at 10:05 AM on Mar. 5, 2011 in Adoption

Level 18 (5,475 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • Obviously medical histories of both parents. Maybe photos of both parents so when the child gets older and are adults and wonder who they look like you can answer them. I wasnt adopted, but never knew my biodad and dont have a photo and it kills me not knowing who my kids might take after. He has passed away now as well so I cant contact him for a photo.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:07 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Definitely as much of the birth parents' family medical history as possible.
    Eviesmommy

    Answer by Eviesmommy at 10:14 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Family medical history. What bio parents were like as kids..some family stories. Pictures of bio parents. Maybe a letter about why the bio mom decided on adoption and how much bio mom loved the child.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:26 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • that we love our children as much as you love them. To talk about the birthparents often and say prayers for us too.
    ramajil

    Answer by ramajil at 10:29 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • That if your child exhibits adoption issues, it's not your fault. It wasn't the because you took him in and loved him, it was because I, the woman who thought she couldn't raise him, gave him up.
    Also that I am not a threat to you. I chose you to be his mother, I want you to have a loving mother / son relationship.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 10:59 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I just have to comment on the responses I have been receiving so far on my question above, ramajil and onethentwins your comments really touched my heart. I know without a doubt the love a birthmom has for her child, and I would never think any different your love is as real as mine. As for the threat I also agree I never feel threatened by my son's birthmom. These responses are definitely eye opening and it is genuine heartfelt answers that help me to know how you feel. Thank you.
    Kellyjude1

    Comment by Kellyjude1 (original poster) at 11:06 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • The first thing I thought of too is that I love my son as much as his other mother does. I am glad that I finally had a chance to tell her, even if it was over 30 years later.

    I love too that now his other mother respects me and knows that I am a good, decent and loving person, just like she is.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 1:55 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Openess, TRUTH, Honesty, and respect, after all you have been lucky enough to be the one to raise "our' child,(notice the OUR ) Remebering always, that it is okay to have more than 1 Mom, and Dad, and the only ones who can give "our" child the truth of the 'whys" and 'how comes" is "us" their First Mom, that journey can only be answered by me, because I AM the only one that has the full answer, no matter what any angency /facilitator/attorney, has stated, I was the one who lived it, and surrendered! Blessings,CJ
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 5:41 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Don't be afraid to personally know your child's birth mom. Don't let them be a stranger. They are the first mother your child knew. Embrace this bond. Don't fear it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:45 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • Yes, that is a good one......that we are not to be feared.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 1:54 AM on Mar. 6, 2011

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