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2 Bumps

What would you do? Flat broke, bro's wedding.

We are broke. We are both unemployed, but ACTIVELY seeking work. We get checks every now and then from returns on student loans and grants for schooling. We're waiting on the Map Grant to come in and it would be about $2300. We have 4 kids. We are getting help from church, my in laws, my parents and the rest we're using our student loans to pay bills when we can etc.

My parents are pressuring us to go to my brothers wedding in a totally different state. It would take 3 days driving EACH WAY (gas, hotel, food along the way, back and forth) OR my parents were going to buy us all plane tickets (5 hour flight each way). They asked us to put in $1000(they are putting up for a hotel for the time we're there as well) cause they knew we were going to get this student loan money in, and my husband wanted to use it to help pay our way to my brothers wedding. My husband wants to go, my parents want us to go and fork out the money.
I FEEL this is totally irresponsible. Don't get me wrong, I want to be there, I'm sad if I won't be able to make it, but I can't justify spending that money that we need for bills, diapers, gas and living necessities. I know my brother will be sad, but it's like everyone is ignoring the situation that me and my husband are in? WE ARE POOR. Less than dirt poor because he got laid off. I just don't know what people to expect out of us.
I fee like I'm dissapointing people if I don't go.....but I believe you should never over extend yourself for others because you ultimately can't help anyone else unless your ok with your situation.
So, what would you do? Or what should I tell everyone else so they'll stop pressuring me to give into this trip? I don't understand why everyone else doesn't understand why I don't want to spend this money to go to a wedding. Does this make me cold for not spending the money for my own BROTHER'S wedding?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:14 AM on Mar. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I wouldn't go and would expect brother to understand. I wouldn't care if mom & dad didn't understand. It just amazes me that if you spent that money on something for the family they would call you irresponsible with your money when you need it so badly but they want you to spend it on a trip? Tell mom to take her laptop with the webcam and you can watch it and talk to the brother that way to wish him well.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:18 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Nicely explain to your parents that you would love to go to the wedding but simply just can't afford it right now. You need to use whatever money you have coming in right now to take care of your family because they come first.
    However, tell them how important you feel going to the wedding is and ask them if they would be willing and able to lend you the money to go to the wedding. Tell them you would not be able to start paying them back though until both you and your spouse are able to get jobs providing a steady income.
    Bottom line - your family comes first and your kids need every penny you can provide. If you get extra grant or loan money you should consider stocking up on food until employment kicks in, otherwise you will be looking for more money when that runs dry again. Your family loves you and should be able to understand this and loan you the money if possible so you can participate in the wedding.
    Lynette

    Answer by Lynette at 11:26 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Honestly, you cannot afford to go. It is a major expense for you right now, and if the money is not there...it just isn't there. Do not let anyone pressure you into spending on something you truly cannot afford. You will only end up worse off.

    I am thankful for a family that completely understands and does not pressure if they know money is an issue. Still, I can understand wanting to be there with your brother. Is there something special you could do for your brother and his wife that you could ask someone to take for them?
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 11:29 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I would tell your mother exactly what you said here. You want to go, you feel bad not going but you feel with the work and money situation being day by day it would not be responsible of you to put money towards a trip when you know that money may end up being needed for food, rent or diapers. Let her know you are grateful for her offer to cover most of the expenses and tell her to take lots of pictures and video's because you can't wait to see them.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 11:42 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I live in Minnesota and my sister in Montana. We both missed each others weddings because we couldnt afford to get there. I know its hard to miss something important like that but if you cant afford it your family should be more understanding.
    Lobelia

    Answer by Lobelia at 12:02 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I understand totally what you are saying & I think you are very right. Here is an option: I think it is ridiculous for you, the kids & DH to go. How about Just you only. Let your parents pay for your flight only & stay in their room at the Hotel. Then pay them back for just your flight. That way you will get to see your Brother get married. But in the future, if you are going to receive any $ from wherever, I would keep it to myself. That way they won't expect anything from you & you do what you can. Better off for other family members to not know everything financially. GL

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 1:32 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I would call my brother, explain that you love him and would love to be there, but due to financial hard times, you just can not make it. As for your parents, if they want you to go then they can pay for everything, because you just do not have the means. Your bills, ect. will be there when you get home. It is hard when you feel like you are between a rock and a hard spot, I have been there. All in all you have to look out for your Husban,yourself, and MOST important, your wonderful children. I hope this helped, and wish you the very best. good luck!
    thundercat11

    Answer by thundercat11 at 1:41 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Think about your wedding how your brother was their for you if you don't go he could be very hurt.Maybe do a temp job for exrta money good luck.
    Betutah

    Answer by Betutah at 11:53 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

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