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4 Bumps

How do you feel about choosing favorites???

My family picks and chooses favorites with my children. I hate that! They even accuse me of picking favorites. I love each and every one of my kids the same. I do not favor one child over the other. But I have certain family members that will call and ask if one of my kids can spend the night, each one that has chosen a fav ONLY wants that one to spend the night. My mom and grandmother favors my oldest, she is the only girl. I have had to enforce a rule, If you want her to spend the night you have to give the boys a chance to. Because they notice they only want her and it hurts their feelings. Do you have a similar story? BUMP if you have a fav or if someone in your family has a fav...

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SWEETPEAS3MOM

Asked by SWEETPEAS3MOM at 11:17 AM on Mar. 5, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 20 (8,512 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • It is SO pointless. The only thing that happens is someone with hurt feelings.
    khf22

    Answer by khf22 at 11:18 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Not really - I'm sure my kids would swear my favorite is their sibling, not them. I don't always like my kids, but I do always love them. It depends on who's being a little snot, and who isn't. Our extended family treats them the same. If anything, my oldest might be more favored by some of his uncles for being the first grandson born on my DH's side of the family, but nothing obvious at all.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 11:20 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • my MIL favors my niece (SIL's daughter) over the 3 daughters DH and i have. out of our children, she favors our youngest, probably because she looks a lot like my niece. my mom doesn't necessarily favor one, but she has a sweet spot for my oldest. i know the "first grandbaby" always holds the sweet spot, but there's absolutely no reason why it has to be shown. a parent or grandparent can show their love for all children equally regardless of favorites. it does end up hurting the children who are left out. i do not favor any of my kids, i love them all the same, and what i do for one, i will do for the others.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 11:21 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Oh yeah! Everything is my SIL's kids with my MIL. She spent $1400 EACH on her 2 boys age 4 and 8 for Christmas. My son got nothing.
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 11:22 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • butterflyblue19~ thats horrible!
    Well my inlaws have nothing to do with my kids or my stepkids but they bend over backwards for their other grandkids, maybe because they live 3,000 miles away but still, they COULD at least call!!
    SWEETPEAS3MOM

    Comment by SWEETPEAS3MOM (original poster) at 11:25 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Oh yes, there are always favorites. My GPs had them, my parents have them. Many parents likely have them too.

    Sisteract

    Answer by Sisteract at 12:06 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • My parents are STILL playing favorites between my sister and me! I'm 41 and she is 38. It depends on who hasn't ticked them off lately. I think my sister is the favorite right now because of NASCAR and she shares (mirrors) their political views. I have fallen out of favor at the moment because I disagreed and argued with my mom about Planned Parenthood.
    SpiritedWitch

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 12:08 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • having favorites is natural.... you will naturally gravitate towards a particular personality and feel more comfortable with that personality... but the sign of a TRUE adult is that the adult NEVER shows it. Your relatives are being rude.


    One of my kids likes the same kind of music I do and I MUCH rather listen to music with that child than the others, A different child likes the kinds of movies I do I much rather watch movies with her (and the one whose music I like - I HATE his movies), the last child is much more fun to play pretend with. Naturally you gravitate to wards different aspects of their personalities... but I dont let the kids know!


    I dont love one of my kids more.... I love them differently

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Oh yes, we used to have this problem with my MIL. She would go full out for all of my husband's nieces & nephews while my son would get junk or nothing. Because of her example, my DH's brothers started treating our son the same way, giving him nothing for his birthday & holidays. For years, while all the kids were little, we gave gifts to our nieces & nephews because it wasn't their fault that their parents were *insert favorite expletive here*, but once the kids became school-aged & were obviously turning into miniatures of their parents, we stopped shelling out & just gave them a few bucks in the form of a gift card. Then, by the time our son was middle school aged, my MIL died and we just stopped seeing each other altogether. DS doesn't even ask about his cousins - how sad is that?
    mom2aspclboy

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 3:43 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • My mother in law is the same way! My daughter is the fave, and she only ever asks to take her overnight, not the boys. Then she went and made a mouse pad for her computer and put 5 pics of DD and only 2 of the boys. But she swears up and down that she doesn't show favortism!
    AshleyLynnW

    Answer by AshleyLynnW at 6:34 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

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