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Can he get full custody??

I have gone to mediation and exchanged my kids with the ex but it's been miserable. When I exchange the kids he either says mean things about my appearance or forces me to hug him, gropes my breast. All in public places! So you can imagine what he's like behind closed doors. I left him because he abused me sexually, physically, mentally for years. I contacted the DAs office to get victim witness #s for my kids so they could get therapy. They informed me that in 2009 when my ex was sentenced to prison for death threats, the judge imposed a restraining order and he was served with it while in the court room. It protects me from any form of communication and contact for 10 years- till 2019. I asked the deputies if it's void because I've seen him and spoke to him since and they said that a lot of people think that's what happens but the truth is that it's not at all. So now I have my order and I told his parents that I will not exchange the kids with him and they need to tell him because I won't contact him or go near him ever again.

I tried to get a TRO to protect my kids and the police told me a copy of my order should tell them just how serious this is. It was denied on Thursday (it felt like a through my heart). The judge set it for a hearing and wrote a note to me that I signed a visitation order at mediation in February.

To comply with the visitation order, my sister exchanged the kids for me this weekend. He told her, "If she keeps acting like a little bitch, I'm going to have to get full custody. My roommate has full custody of both his kids and he told me how to do it.". She told him, "If you want full custody you should do it because you want your kids full time not because she's not doing what you say." He ignored her of course.

I'm a depressed mess now. I am worried about my kids every weekend they're with him. He's beat me in front of them! He's sick! The judge not granting the TRO has me thinking the people at the Family Law Court are not going to be help me much. His confidence in getting the kids has me scared. What if he makes false CPS reports? What if the kids get taken away?? The truth is that if the kids get taken away from me, no authority will let them stay with him. He has an extensive criminal record. If they do get taken away from me because of lies, they'll go elsewhere. I had a DUI in 2008 but I was out with friends on a weekend I didn't have my kids. I'm passed that now and it's the only thing on my record. I have my OWN place with a room only for the kids, a clean home, a job, healthy clean friends, I don't drink or smoke or anything. But I'm still scared. I get so stressed and depressed I get symptoms that make me sick- like fibromayalgia. I don't understand how he can continue to attack me from so far....

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Mar. 5, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • Mine didn't get it with the abuse history recorded.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:55 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • how old are the kids? if old enough, they could testify that he has beaten you in front of them. do you have others that know about the beatings, have seen it happen personally, not just hear say? if so, that's a point on you if they will testify.

    i don't think he could get them, you just need alot of people/authority on your side so get alot of evidence against him if you can. GL

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I doubt he can get full custody, judges look at criminal records and decide what's best and most stable for the kids. If i were you I would get a lawyer and start keeping a journal. They look at stuff like that too. Also, him saying derogatory things about you or vise-versa is probably a violation of your parenting plan, just something to bring up. Good Luck!

    Answer by tirelessefforts at 11:59 AM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Criminal records will come into play. Any witness you may have to thr prior abuse is helpful...and if the kids are old enough to talk that will help also. Try to find out if he bad mouths you in front of the my custody papers it talks about the way we handle ourselves and what not to do...basically saying dont talk bad and try to make your kids feel a certain way about the kids. If you are honestly afriad, get yourself a good lawyer and start acting like a nun...a friend of mine couldnt get her son back unless she married her live in boyfriend or kicked him out...these things make a difference. I will pray for you!

    Answer by LadyOsgood at 12:17 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Hugs! I know how you feel. Relax and stay logical. Soon enough all of this will be over with. If I were you I would see if you can get an advocate from a battered womens' shelter to help guide you and fight for you.
    If you look at this logically, it will be much easier. It is the threats, emotions, insecurities and abuse that have you fearing the worse. Stay tough ..

    Answer by LeJane at 12:26 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • If you would like, send me a friend request. I had some things to share with you in private.......

    Answer by LeJane at 12:28 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • My DS is 6 going on 7 and my DD is 4. I would hate to make them talk. The poor kids have seen and gone through so much especially my DS who at the age of 4 tried to attack his own father to protect me. All this makes me hate and blame myself for this mess even after 2 years of therapy and professionals trying to have break through of me accepting I had no control over the violence. Against the advice from my family and the pleads from his family, I did call the police the times he really hurt me. In 2004 CSI came in and took pictures of my face, body, the home. It was bad. In 2008 he was arrested again and that time the police called CPS. CPS closed the case after interviewing family and friends who confirmed that this time I would not let him back in. I called the court house and I can get the CPS records but I have to fill out all these forms and then wait weeks for them to pull my file. The sheriffs told me to call

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:34 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • the city police to file a report stating that my ex had violated the 2009 RO. They told me to go online or come in to file a report. That unless I am in immediate danger no one is going to come to my door or arrest him. Even hearing that "because I am not in immediate danger" brings me back to the bad times. The times I called the police screaming because he was on his way to my home and they told me to call if he gets in. Does no one understand that my ex doesn't think logically?? If he did he would stay away. Instead he continues to lurk in the background of my life. And if/when he gets mad enough again, he will come to me!! He has this mentality that if he's screwed anyway, he'll go all out. The police have been on their way before so he took that time to punch me and even rape me knowing he's getting locked up anyway. What if he kills me or my kids!????

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:38 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • NO way in hell could he get full custody

    Answer by JLS2388 at 1:56 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • It's not so much that I am afraid he'll get custody. I'm afraid he'll do horrible things to us now and will tried to get them taken away from me to spite me by doing things like lying and filing false CPS reports. He's told me his girl friends (who have NEVER even seen me or heard my voice!) have told him they'll do it for him. This is because he has painted this horrible picture of me and obviously lied about our past. He won't tell the people he knows now the truth. Instead he says I was always drunk, partying, neglecting the kids, sleeping with men, lied to the police when I was drunk to arrest him, had bad friends who influenced me. My friends and family finally started witnessing the domestic violence after 3 years in. Eventually the abuser stops hiding it after all. So the people he knows now have never seen me or my family and friends and think I'm the devil and I keep the kids from him to control him. FML

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:38 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

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