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Anyone else hate it when other people hold your baby?

I have a 6 week old son, and I don't mind it when the father holds him, or if my mother holds him, or if my friends hold him, but I hate it when my boyfriends family hold him. I don't feel like he's in danger with them or anything, I just don't like them touching him! I feel like their interfeering in how I raise my baby, and waiting for me to slip up, they always go on about how they did things & how I should be doing things, and it really gets to me! I always have to make excuses to not go and visit them, and to not take the baby up to see them. My boyfriend must have noticed my strange behaviour now and I'm worried what he'll think.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:05 PM on Mar. 5, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • They probably have the best intentions, and think they are helping you. But it's not helping you, it's making you feel insecure. This often happens when his family does things differently than your family. That's probaly why you're overwhelmed right now. Take a breath. When they start telling you what to do, one way to cut it off short, is to just keep saying things like "Thanks for your opinion", "That's an idea", "is that the way you did it", nicely, then quickly change the subject to something else. Then, just do what you want to do. If they ask you why you didn't buy a certain brand, etc. just say, "I liked your idea, but we decided to go with this one". Ask you husband to be supportive of this. Talk to him, and tell him you know they mean well, but in your family, people do their own thing, and you're not used to so many people giving their opinion, and to you it feels like they're disapproving of you and your opinions.
    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 2:29 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • btw... IF they are not bad people you better change your attitude, or you will drive a wedge in your relationship before you are even married to the man. This is NOT a good way to start out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • The more a child is held as an infant the more secure they are when older. It is also the nature of people to give advice on how to raise babies. It is more annoying than anything but it is well meant, in the mind of the advice giver.

    I'd say get over yourself. If you're going to marry your boyfriend you get him AND his family.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 12:16 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • ok. my MIL tried that as well, telling me what i can and cannot do. well, i ignored it as best i could, until finally i had enough and told DH to talk to her. he did and i haven't had a problem since. he basically told her we're the parents and we'll do what we want with our child, and if she has a problem with it, then she won't see them.
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 12:52 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Your follow up explains more - the OP makes you sound over-reactive.

    Just because they say you're "not allowed"? Doesn't mean you have to listen. Again smile; nod; say I see what you're saying - then go home and do whatever you want.

    It is pretty normal for people; not just in-laws; to think that whatever choices they made were the best ones and people should just accept their word. This isn't something unique to you or your future in-laws. Finding ways to accept them and deal with their personalities during visits will go a long way to making your life happy.

    If they're really rude and overbearing - say Thank you I know you're trying to help but this is what works best for us; or for (child).

    Also if your BF is noticing your 'distance' you should talk to him about how you feel - otherwise who knows what he'll think is wrong?

    beachmamaof2

    Answer by beachmamaof2 at 1:51 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • i think part of it is the circumstances. had you been married for a while and known these people well you might feel differently. no - i never had an issue with (adult) family holding my baby. I chose well and married into a VERY loving family who only wants the best for my husband, myself, and my children.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I don't allow it period....
    khf22

    Answer by khf22 at 12:09 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • REALLY khf22??????
    why??????
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • people are always going to give you unsolicited advice & unfortunately the biggest place you will get it is from family. yes, its annoying. but it should not interfere with your son's relationship with them. please try to not let this bother you, this is nothing compared to some issues that you could be having with them. atleast they want to be a part of his life..
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 12:25 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • You have issues is what I think to be perfectly honest.

    Just by them holding your child you feel they're "interfering"? You sound very young and inexperienced w/ forming relationships with other people.

    As rosehawk said most people have more "advice" for new parents than you could carry in a semi-truck. Just smile; nod; and say oh thanks we'll talk about that. And move on.
    beachmamaof2

    Answer by beachmamaof2 at 12:28 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

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