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My thrirteen year old son treats his older brother(14) horribly. He calls him names, doesnt want him to go anywhere with him.How can I encourage their relationship to grow?

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Palatino3

Asked by Palatino3 at 2:07 PM on Mar. 5, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 4 (42 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Unfortunately, that is such normal behavior. It is a phase
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:08 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • A) I would have each boy say one nice thing the other did for him during the day every night at dinner time. It can be a simple thing like he got my book bag for me, or he found my other shoe...just anything. If they can't come up with anything, they lose privileges like screen time or whatever is important to them.
    B) I would drop them off at a volunteer/ community service project together. We have a soup kitchen that serves meals every single Sunday night, I would be dropping off both boys there every Sunday. They will have to work together and cooperate and hopefully they will start to count their blessings. If you don't have a soup kitchen, do you have an animal shelter? There are many places they can donate time and help the community together until they learn how to get along better and get their values better in order.
    C) I would make sure they each have their own "thing" , sport, hobby, activity, music, anything!

    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 2:18 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • Is there a reason as to why your younger son is doing this? Is he trying to impress his friends? I would sit down and talk to your younger son and simply ask him why he feels the need to treat his older brother that way. Let him know this hurts his older brother's feelings and it is not right. While some siblings will not always get along all the time, I think it is important for you to let your younger son know this is not acceptable. You can encourage their relationship to grow maybe by taking them places together and doing things they both like to do. Your older son needs to open up and tell your younger son how his words and how is treated by him make him feel. Hopefully everything will work out.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 2:20 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • My sister and I are within a year of each other and we were SO mean to each other most of the time growing up. Especially as teenagers. My mom had 5 boys and 3 girls, and we girls were the hardest by far to deal with because we were so catty, held grudges, and were just plain NASTY to each other.

    Now that we are all grown up, we are SUPER close. Definitely best friends. I would hope it is a phase and try not to worry about it too much.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 2:31 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I have a grandson like this. He's abusive toward his older brother. Turns out he has a disorder. If possible, get your child tested. At the very least get him some counseling. It may just be sibling rivalry but remember the story of Cain and Able. That sibling rivalry ended in death.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Mar. 5, 2011

  • I'm not sure you can make their relationship better, but you CAN address the attitude. Sit them both down and tell them that x, y and z behaviour is unacceptable and the consequences are ___. Telling them BOTH will keep the younger one from feeling singled out, and they will BOTH know the rules are for everyone.

    When he behaves in a manner that you have discussed is not appropriate, he faces the consequences. If he doesn't want to go anywhere with his brother, then he doesn't go- you take the older one out for fun, and he can sit home alone grounded. The less fuss you make, the more he will "get" that you are serious.

    If he doesn't LIKE his brother, that's fine... no one says you HAVE to like everyone. But you must be POLITE to everyone, and that is the point here.
    alionline

    Answer by alionline at 1:51 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • I would have to say that I would tell both boys to tell each other what they did for each other in the past, or what they might do in the future. Let them think about what they've done to each other. If it continues, set up a stars reward so if the thirteen year old is good he can get a star, do something like that. That'll teach him a lesson. That is how I got my two boys Blake and Bryan to be good. A stars reward.
    cartersandra

    Answer by cartersandra at 10:04 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

  • And, if it doesn't stop within three to five weeks, ask somebody you know who's dealt with the same thing for their opinion and/or advice on what to do with that. I, myself, understand what you're going through. I've taught my boys Blake & Bryan to be nice to each other and they still have fights but not as bad as they did when they were younger, thank heavens for that. But, try and see what they'll do about a stars reward.
    cartersandra

    Answer by cartersandra at 10:06 PM on Mar. 6, 2011

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